BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: Gravity falls x legend of Korra x Portal x Long earth. Gravity falls destroyed, everyone he knew is dead. Can dipper and his new friend Cave Johnson take on the world of the Avatar?(now being remade into STATUS QUO: BOOK ONE: Take Two)
1. Chapter 1

BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO

I OWN NOTHING

…...

Pain, That's all he felt...pain, pain, and more pain. Dipper pines dragged himself from the smoking crater of what had once been his childhood home of gravity falls.

Grunkle stan, mabel, his parents, soos, Wendy...gone...all of them...the entire town...just destroyed.

It was horrible...but what else could he have done?

What Bill Cipher had been planning...it would have meant a fate worse then death for everyone. He did what he had to! He had to use that ritual to sacrifice the journals to kill bill! He had no choice! He had no choice!

He repeated this mantra in his head like a mad man as he lumbered forward- only to almost fall into another crater!

"Wha-" gasped a baffled dipper as he fully took stock of his surroundings, and sure enough there was a secondary crater connected to the main one. "Wha-what caused thi-"

"Uh, excuse me!" Shouted a voice nearby suddenly. Dipper quickly turned around and beheld a strange sight.

At first it looked like a body had been forcibly smashed through a tree...and it had, but what was remarkable was the person seemed both alive and unharmed!

"Yes, you my good man! Would you please assist me? I'd appreciate it!" Dipper quickly had him out of it. He was twelve years old like him. He wore a ragged lab coat stained with what he hoped was red paint, fingerless gloves, and weird safety goggles.

"Oh thank you my good fellow, my names Johnson. Cave Johnson. Aspiring tinker and world shaker! And yours?"

"Dipper pines-"

"Jolly good to meet you dipper! I-" Then he noticed the second crater. "Oh dear, it would seem I will need a new lab. Say, my friend! I'm probably going to need help locating and setting up a new lab location. Would you like to accompany me?"

Dipper let out a sigh. "Will it be far away from here?"

"Most certainly!"

"Then I'm all yours."

After taking one last regretful look at the rubble of his previous life, he hastily followed Cave into the woods.

And thus there was no one to bare witness to the lone figure that crawled out of the secondary crater.

Her every footstep seemed to cause the earth to crumble, the water in the air seemed to solidify and follow her every movement, her every frantic breath seemed to let out a small torrent of flames.

"D-dipper." Gasped Wendy as she finally collapsed from exhaustion

…...

**AN: just so there's no confusion. This is an AU, where Dipper lived in gravity falls his whole life. And the world of gravity falls takes place in the world of Avatar. You'll have to re-imagine his adventures in that context, because I'm too lazy to do so. Oh, and these events take place after "into the bunker" Enjoy!**


	2. Chapter 2

BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO chapter 2

I Own nothing!

….3 YEARS LATER...

Dipper could still barely believe his eyes...he was here...Republic City...The big Kumquat itself...and he was docking into it like it was no big deal! This was one of the greatest moments of his-

"Hey Dipper! Buddy! I could use a hand here!"

-and just like that the moment was over, as reality forcibly reminded him **why** he was in republic city in the first place.

Dipper sighed as he walked off the leaky canoe (that immediately finished sinking) to help Cave finish packing his fliers.

His friendship with Cave had been...interesting. He had to admit that Cave was quiet possibly the most brilliant inventor the world has ever seen!

Which would be great...if he also wasn't the most incompetent, dangerous lunatic that the world had ever had the misfortune to spawn.

Not that he was a bad guy! He had an almost sickening idealism about humanity, and genuinely wanted to make the world a better place...however good intentions didn't exactly make up for the fact that he once somehow caused an island to sink just by jamming a fork into a toaster (and that didn't even make it into the top 100 crazy things he'd done!).

Still, he was a good friend...who was about to sucker punch the human race silly. "I still can't believe you actually found someone crazy enough to finance this." Said dipper as he packed the last fliers up.

"Yep! That varick is a swell guy! And all I had to do was convince all my fellow innovators to let him get first pick of who get's contracted!...oh and 117% of the ticket prices and merchandising rights...whatever that is."

"Yeah, sounds real 'swell'." Said dipper sarcasticly.

And then he noticed headline on the fliers-

**CAVE JOHNSON &amp; DIPPER PINES WORLD FAIR/SCIENCE EXPO./WONDER IMPORIUM EXTRAVAGANZA!**(also there will be cake!)

"Uh, cave, why is my name on this?" Cave smiled. "SURPRISE! As if I wouldn't give you credit for this! All of the heaps of success both me, my fellow inventors, and the world is about to enjoy wouldn't have been possible without your common application skills!

Dipper gives him a weird look. "You mean my common sense?"

"Yep! Why, without you I'd still be trying to force my portal gun to be a shower curtain!"

"Uh...wow...look, not to sound ungrateful but maybe it would be best if my name wasn't on this?"

"What? Why?" asked a confused Cave.

Dipper started to get uncomfortable. "Well, you know...in case the police come around...and arrest everybody...again."

Cave chuckled. "Dipper me chum. I know we've had many a shake up by the good old gestapo, but this time-"

"-will be different." Finished dipper. "No offense Cave, but that's what you said the last couple hundred times."

"True." Admitted Cave. "But I've never attempted anything remotely this big or over the top before have I?"

Dipper chuckled nervously. "Nope you sure haven't...god help us all..."

"What was that?" asked cave absentmindedly.

"Nothing!" Shouted dipper quickly. "Look, all I'm saying is that it wouldn't hurt to have someone on the outside to bail you out...or failing that have a a get-away driver...like I always do."

Cave chuckled. "Dipper, buddy you worry too much! Regardless of what happens, everything will be fine. Or have you already forgotten my 'special' condition?"

Dipper groaned, like he could ever forget! "Look man, I keep telling you it's a mistake to keep relying on only that to get you out of every problem

you face, you yourself admitted you don't fully understand. Besides don't forget that while it helps you; me not so much, if at all."

"Oh, yeah, that's right." Said a contemplative Cave. Then he gives a shrug and says: "alright I'll try to alter you name off."

"Thank you." said an appreciative dipper.

"Now enough Jibber-Jabber, to the Cave-mobile!" Cave quickly presses on a small capsule that quickly grows into an enormous hydrofoil. Which Cave quickly jumps in.

Dipper quickly steps away from the Vehicle. "Yeah, I'll pass. I'd like to stay within city limits and with all my limbs attached for once."

"Suit yourself." said cave with a shrug. And away he went...through several buildings...in the wrong direction.

Dipper shook his head. After all these years it still amazed him not only how bad a driver cave was but how bad his sense of direction was thought dipper to himself as he remembered the time cave tried to navigate a south pole restroom and somehow ended up in a wardrobe in Ba-Sing-Sai.

Still, when all was said and done Cave was a great friend and all the many adventures he'd had with him had really helped him through those dark times...after all these years he felt like he could finally put his past behind him...

**MEANWHILE...**

Little did dipper know that a huge part of that past was but one dock away from him.

Wendy Corduroy had just got off a boat and was calmly walking down the dock, and not just any dock but an L-shaped wedge dock that was adjacent to the one dipper was walking down.

Yes, both of them were mere seconds away from bumping into a glorious reunion of epic propor-

"Excuse me! Miss! Miss!" "Wha-" Said Wendy as she stopped walking and turned around to see a porter from the boat run toward her.

"Sorry miss, you forgot your bag."

"Oh, thanks dude!" Said Wendy appreciatively, oblivious to dipper already walking off the docks behind her and out of sight.

Strangely, minutes later Dipper and Wendy couldn't shake the feeling that somewhere, somehow. Hundreds of people were now screaming in frustration.

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	3. Chapter 3

**BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO chapter 3**

**I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!**

Wendy Corduroy still couldn't believe it! She was here! Honest to goodness republic city!

The sights! The sounds! The smells! It was almost overstimulating! Yes sir! She'd come a long way in the last three years! She'd literally gone from zero to somebody!

She and her fellow fire ferrets had slaughtered the Ba-sing-sai championship, the omashu championship, the north pole championship, the south pole championship, even all 47 of the fire nation championships!

Now all that remained was the united republic championship, and then on to conquer the world...championship.

She even had a nickname in pro-bending circles, "The Ball Buster." Infamous for not only being the first (and so far only) female pro-bender to exercise the option of girl competitors being allowed to aim for the groin...but also more or less using it as her signature move!...needless to say nowadays most teams tended to forfeit when they learned they were going up against her.

Wendy was a little annoyed that the main reason that was allowed was feminist politics...But, hey she wasn't about to look this gift horse in the mouth.

Besides after all that crude she went through 3 years ago, if she felt like smashing thousands of groins into pudding to work through her issues and aggression(but mostly aggression).

Then consider the male genitals as an endangered species! Were her detractors right in saying that was taking things too far? Probably. But until they had watched an eldritch abomination destroy everything they knew and loved, they could jump up their own butts and die for all she cared!

While she was thinking this, she happened to be walking past a radio shop broadcasting loud for all to hear-

-**and still experts are baffled! There is still no leads where the then only recently declared Avatar Korra vanished to, 13 years ago to this day. Although the various nations of the world are still keeping up the search, they have officially declared that it would be best to assume the worst! Which is greatly disheartening, for with the increasingly militant Equalist movement on the rise and the triads turf-war sparking up again. I think we can all agree we need the avatar now more then ever! **

Wendy couldn't help but smirk, _if they only knew. _Thought Wendy to herself as she passed by an alleyway...where a hapless pedestrian was being mugged by a couple of triads.

Wendy groaned. R_eally? _Groused wendy at the universe._ My first day here and I'm already dealing with this? Ba-sing-sai for all it's problems at least let me find a place to stay before throwing this sort of thing at me!_

After quickly looking around to make sure no one was around, she quickly covered her face with a hoodie then charged into the alleyway shooting two icicles right into both their testicles incapacitating them both in an instant.

Wendy relaxed-which almost cost her head when a third triad guy hidden in the shadows sent a boulder!

Going on pure adrenaline-fueled instinct, Wendy both dodged and sent a rock pillar up to impale his balls.

"Wha- water and earth bending?" Babbled the innocent bystander. _Crude! _Mentally yelled Wendy as she cursed her own recklessness.

"Hey, what's going on here?!" Shouted a gang of policemen as they swarmed they alleyway.

_Oh, come on! Where were these morons 5 minutes ago!_ Wendy thought to herself as she ran like there's no tomorrow.

After much running Wendy was finally able to lose them at the park when she hid inside a large mass of bushes.

_Phew! That was a close one! _Thought Wendy as she quietly crawled through the bushes. But she was also irritated how bad things had now gotten for her.

True, her persona "the hooded hero" had become well known throughout the world. But until now she'd been careful enough were she had been more of an urban legend than anything else. But now not only was their witnesses that could confirm her existence. But one of those witnesses had seen her bend multiple elements!

Yes, wendy still remembered the weeks following the destruction of gravity falls. Where on top of everything she learned she'd somehow gained the power of multiple elements. Which made no sense, since her family had no history of bending and like most people she had been tested for bending energy shortly after being born. And it had come up negative on all fronts.

It's also when she decided that she wanted nothing to do with being an Avatar.

Oh, sure she went on to master earth, water, and fire(say what you will about her, she wasn't one to turn down a free lunch)...not air though, both due to it's rarity and how much it went against her inner nature.

And she had nothing against stopping an injustice that was happening in front of her.

But as for going out of her way to be a hero? Saving the world?...no, never again.

She'd seen what that kind of lifestyle can do to a person...how it can destroy a person, just like how it destroyed dip-

At this point wendy had to pause and compose herself...even after all these years just thinking about him still brought her to tears.

As long as she could remember Dipper pines had been interested in the supernatural. He liked to investigate it, explore it, and when needed fight it.

It seemed like every week dipper saved the town from a new disaster, a new threat.

Which had been cool at first...but week after week the fights had taken their toll, both physically and psychologically.

If it weren't for various mystic remedies (that dipper had discovered) both wendy, dipper and the rest of the gang would have probably spent most of their lives in a full-body cast...or worse. And still the dangers kept coming!

No matter how much they sacrificed, it was proved pointless when a new trouble popped up. And each one seemed worse then the last!

Still, it wouldn't have been quite so bad if the town showed dipper even an ounce of gratitude...which they didn't.

For the most part dipper was dismissed as a crackpot and ridiculed by most of the town, and the few times dipper could back up his claims. He was the one the town blamed for the trouble.

Hell, his own parents wanted to send him to an asylum when he was ten! It was only grunkle stans intervention that stopped that.

It was never so bad for her...no one wanted to risk ticking off her dad. But he refused to offer that same protection to dipper.

He wouldn't forbid her from seeing him, but he made it very clear he blamed him for her constantly nearly dying.

Years of being friends, saving each others lives, standing up to the town for him...it really hadn't come as a surprise to her when dipper started developing feelings for her.

As for how she left things...well, what else could she have done? He was 12 and she'd been 15, it never could have worked out...right?

Still, the fact that the last non-life or death conversation she'd had with him before he was killed was her breaking his heart...seriously what was up with the universe?

Anyway, that's why she needed to hide. If they ever found her...well for all her big talk, if they gave her some B.S. about "it's your duty", or "for the greater good"...she really didn't know if she'd be able to stay strong...but still she didn't know how much longer she could keep this up.

Oh, dipper...messed up bizarre situations like this would be right up his alley...what she wouldn't give to have him back...

….Meanwhile...

Truly, the universe was a strange place. For not but a few feet away, in that same bush, crawling toward the currently very melancholy wendy. Was a very oblivious dipper Yes, I think it's on the cards this time. Their going to meet! Juuuust a littttle bit mor-

And that's when dipper is forcibly pulled from the bush by a homeless man.

"Hey their boyo! I found the hat! The hat that's yours! The hat that got blown off your head by the wind! The hat which be the reason for your digging through that there bush!"

Dipper gave him a weird look before grabbing the hat.

"Ooookay...don't really see why that exposition was needed...or why it was necessary for you to forcibly rip me from that bush...or how you even know this since I've never meet you before, but thank you!"

Said dipper as he quickly retreated out of the park and away from the stranger...a couple minutes latter Wendy leaves the park too.

Once again both Wendy and dipper find themselves with the strangest feeling of a hundreds of people yelling in frustration.

Meanwhile...

Lin Beifong rubbed her face with annoyance.

First, their was that maniac that was demolishing buildings with his car and spewing illegible flier's(it looked like he tried to alter something at the last minute but ended up just screwing up all the text on it instead).

And now this..."Now your sure this person used multiple elements?"

"Yes!" Shouted the bystander! "Yes he did! I swear!"

Lin groaned, the evidence found also supported this...well, there was really no way around it then. Lin looked over at her assistant. "Get Tenzin on the phone. Tell him the hooded hero is here...and he might be the avatar..."

...Latter that night...

"-And so it came to pass. That night while the citizens did sleep. Strange people, machines, and creatures did come to creep.

For too long these crackpots, fringe scientists, and witch doctors had been the butt of every joke.

But now they've been given what they need to grab destiny by the throat.

Come tomorrow there shall come such a clatter that all will come to see what's the matter!

And what did dipper the good friend of cave Johnson whisper with ever increasing fright?"...

"You've had a good a good run republic city, so to all have one last peaceful night..."

…..."uh, yeah I was kind of hopping for a more uplifting end to that poem-"

"That's the best your gonna get from me cave, deal with it."

"Oh, very well..."

…...

**AN: Yep, this a deconstruction fic. Inspired by one of my favorite authors Madhat886. Who I strongly recommend you read. I may not care for how he portrays my faith, but I respect both his right to an opinion and his amazing writing skills.**


	4. Ch 4

BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO chapter 4

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

The people of republic city awoke to chaos...fun chaos...but chaos nonetheless. The whole town seemed to have gone bonkers! Everywhere you looked their was a new crazy thing!

A human kazoo playing a kazoo, a bunch of people racing a bunch of edible cup-cake carts, people pretending to be statues, weird black-and-white people pretending to be trapped in invisible boxes, barbers singing in four's, a man playing a tuba that spews fire and bubbles, a strange vehicle that gets around on two giant rotating springs, magic carpet salesman(by which I mean a sentient magic carpet that sells non-sentient magic carpets), an anthropomorphic tambourine that was constantly gleefully smacking its self in the face, and so much more!...

…...

"And thus water becomes food!" Shouted flintlock wood as his FLDSMDFR created varrick cakes before a cheering crowds...

…...

BOOM! A house popped into existence. Professor briefs smiled as he continued to demonstrate his capsule tech. Before a stunned audience...

…...

Hey! Shouted Candace Flyn. "I told you either get in line or get lost buddy!" "Come on love, I'm just trying to make a few extra yen!" Pleaded a cloaked and masked street performer. "Don't make me bust you!" Shouted Candace as she pulled out her baton. "I'm going! I'm going!" Shouted the performer. Candace smiled then went back to work, "alright you bums! Let's keep the line moving!"

The line in question was to phineas and ferb's, "Name it and will invent for 100$!." The boys would rather have done it for free, but phineas's manager/girlfriend had insisted. Said girl meanwhile, was setting up a fireside recruitment drive next door to finally start up chapters outside of their hometown!...

…...

"Discount Genie! Get your discount genie!" Exclaimed Dr. Facilier, as he sold magic lamps secretly filled with malevolent or defective genies. Dr. Facilier chuckled to himself at how easily that cave boy was manipulated to finance his Djinni-ology experiments...

…...

"Welcome to transformation central!" Shouted Sander Cohen. "Where the age long Question: dose art imitate life or life imitate art is thrown out the window of irrelevance! Cohen quickly demonstrated how his special gene tonics could alter skin color, height, weight, muscle mass, intellect, perception, and luck.

The people were nearly in a frenzy, and he was only half-way through the demonstration!

Cohen smiled, "remain calm everyone, there's plenty of free samples for everyone!"

Hearing this, the mob finally lost it and started looting the tent and beating the assistants.

Yes! Yes! Shouted Cohen as he took picture after picture of the riot. Give me more PATHOS!...

…...

"Come one! Come all!" Shouted the midget named professor plankton. "Buy my various technological odd's and ends!"

Plankton smiled as the money piled up. "How do you like me now crabs!?" Shouted plankton at the heavyset businessmen in the booth across from his.

Mr. crabs grumbled under his breath. How he cursed the day that cave boy came to town and convinced plankton to give up fast-food and focus on inventing! Since then plankton's been making 100 times more money then him!

True, the kid had been nice enough to invite him here to introduce the concept of "burgers" to the world. And yes he'd made more money in the last 5 hours then the last ten years combined(and they'd been good years too!)! But he wasn't making even half the money he should!

And that blasted Ron stoppable and girlfriend Kim certainly weren't helping matters! Curse their new-fangled drive-through's, and hot dogs, corn dogs, nacho's, taco's, fries , cotton candy, ice cream, and chocolate! What kind of names were those Any way!?...

…...

"But seriously though folks, my family has never wanted for anything. Except for my uncle hot-plate whose wanted for petty theft in the fire nation!" Exclaimed the masked and cloaked performer as he entertained the audience, while madam foster passed out her diet pills.

"Now remember, by becoming my sellers you will get 50% off on all future pill subscriptions, and all I ask is that you give me 10% of all sales concerning my beautiful adipose!" spoke madame foster as she pointed to the adorable little creatures that were the result of foster's pills converting body fat into cute semi-sentient living creatures.

"YEAH! I'm going to be rich!" Shouted a morbidly obese man as he swallowed the a whole jar's worth of pill's, and within seconds turned into a handsome thin man surrounded by hundred of adipose!

"Buffets on me you little cuties!" Shouted the man as he petted the beauties...

…...

"And so you see, through the power of quantum suicide we have controlled the probability of this coin, forcing it to land on it's side 122 times!" exclaimed the lutece twins to an astonished crowd.

"Golly, that's interesting!" exclaimed one of spectators. "But how is it useful to everyday life?"

"Oh, that's simple, well...uh...you see"...Robert sighed as he turned to Rosalind. "Sister, we may not have thought this all the way through"...

…...

Behold the smell-o-scope! Exclaimed professor farnsworth...

…...

"Voodoo economist counseling! Cried Tia Dalma. Control your economic future with astrological chart readings! Ethereal elixirs! And spiritual medium-ism."

A passerby chuckled. "Yeah, and I bet the tooth fairy's here too for exchange rates?!" Mocked the man before being zapped into a rat. Needless to say business picked up after that...

…...

Angry scientist cackled, "behold my sheep powered...laundromat!...

…...

"Behold my techno-trousers!" Shouted Wallace...right before the trousers ran amok...

…...

Ex-Colonel sanders smiled as the people enjoyed his ultimate genetic masterpiece...the chicken.

Sanders counted his money with a smile, at this rate he'll have more than enough to purchase that t-rex genome. And then he'll be the king of the fast food world! Cackled Sanders at he looked lovingly at the blueprints for his Dino-chickens, with their Dino-sized drumsticks.

"This outta show that hippie psychoanalyst...drum me out of the army will he?...have an unstable mental state do I? Well I'll show him...I'll show them all!" Laughed sanders maniacally...

…...

Dipper pines wandered the city. "Well, 7 hours in and the city is still standing...a new record". Said dipper impressed. Still...he'd better get to cave soon to try and once again convince him to not push his luck with his "demonstration" and get thrown in jail...again.

Arrrgh! Why did he have to be so mysterious about where to meet him!? Was it too much to ask- "Oh, hey my shoe's untied". Noted dipper, as he bent down to deal with it...Just as a certain red head was walking nearby...

…...

"Come on, come on, it's a simple spot check. It's not that- Wha? Are you kidding me? Are you blind?! He was 5 feet from you! You just-GRRRRR!" "Who are you talking to?" asked one nerd to another.

My character sheets suck! Shouted the nerd as he munched on cotton candy from Ron stoppable's store.

…...

**AN: Well it looks like caves extravaganza is going great...for now.**

**I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a REVIEW today! **


	5. Chapter 5

BOOK ONE: STAUS QUO chapter 5

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

"Asami! Be careful!" Shouted Hiroshi sato as they drove through traffic. Asami sighed. "Dad either take the wheel for yourself or except the fact that with all the commotion. I'm going to have to do a lot of risky movements to get around!"

Hiroshi groaned. "I know, I know, I'm sorry...this has just been a rough day for me"...

Hiroshi was still irritated with how this whole event had come completely out of left field!

Despite Varrick having beat him on international concerns, his company still was #1 in Republic city! But today! It was just one scientific miracle after another! And all of their creators had already agreed to give varrick first pick of their contracts! It was a nightmare!

There was still one hope though. According to that nice man Oscar who ran that "bottled water" stand, the person who organized this whole event...some guy named Cave Johnson was the one who brokered the deal with Varrick...If he could find this..."cave" guy...Maybe, just maybe he could convince him to reverse the deal and sign the inventors over to him!

Unfortunately, this cave guy...Whoever he was, seemed to have no organizational skills whatsoever! All the stands, exhibits, rides, and attractions seem to have just been scattered about in a completely random fashion...there were a couple placed on top of buildings and trees for crying out loud!

Not to mention the maps given out at the info booths seem to have been written on Easter eggs...which were very hard to read. Even harder to do so when a sudden stop caused the egg to fly out of his hand. "Sorry dad!" Shouted Asami. Hiroshi groaned...this just wasn't his day.

…...

Dipper had egg on his face...as in an egg just up and splattered on his face. Dipper groused in annoyance as he bent over to wash up...which of course made him miss Wendy by a mere second-

…...

'Wha? Fail! Weak Fail! Weak sauce! Stupid spot check!" Shouted the nerd. "Uh...dude we haven't started yet"...said another nerd...

…...

"So you have artificial lightning and an earthquake machine?!" Asked one detective excitedly.

"Among other things, yes". Stated Nikola Tesla. "I'd never get any of it off the ground without young Johnson". "What else can you tell us about this Cave Johnson?" Asked Lin. "Well, he helped finance my inventions, proved my former mentor Edison was stealing my inventions- The man even tortured an elephant to death to discredit me! Seriously, who dose that?"

"-I don't know". Said Lin flatly, "but if we could get back on topic"-

Suddenly, Lin and everyone in the city had the uncontrollable urge to stop what their doing, break into spontaneous choreography, and sing!

…...

**Welcome to the future, all you forward-thinking socialites,  
Delightful world of steam so bright,  
Change your life overnight,  
Behold this lady's hairbrush, this motor-powered cow,  
If you don't know how this gizmo works, I'll try to show you how. **

I**t's robotic kitchens, prototypes, a singing kettle,  
You'll love this nut and turtle sheller made of living metal,  
You'll never need to settle for yesterday's future,  
We've borrowed from tomorrow, steam power, it's so super! **

…**...**

During the dance dipper and Wendy literally slam into each other-

…...

Yes! You can't ignore each other this tim- wha- are you kidding me! (Bleep) you! And (bleep) your spot check!...you do know I have no control over how the dice rolls right? Said the other nerd.

…...

**Welcome to a brave new world (My word!),  
The future is amazing, time for you to climb aboard!  
Welcome to a brand new day! (Hooray!)  
Everything will change! Time for me to show the way! **

**_Step in closer, I've got so much to show you._**

**A robotic rooster starts the morning,  
And a rocket-powered cycle takes you skyward and you're soaring  
'Til you fall towards a lovely picnic made of future food,  
Steam-powered sandwiches, useful speaking fruits. **

**You are living in your prime, catching lightning in a jar,  
Robot butlers keep you tidy, no matter where you are,  
The future runs like clockwork and you'll never need to stress,  
You really can't afford it: That's the price of steam progress! **

**Welcome to a brave new world (My word!),  
The future is amazing, time for you to climb aboard!  
Welcome to a brand new day! (Hooray!)  
Everything will change! Time for me to show the way! **

…**...**

Dazed, everyone looks around as they returned to normal. Wondering what had just happened...

BRAVO! BRAVO! Shouted a loud voice. Everyone looked up and watched as a 15 year old on top of a large building clapping away a strange pharmacist holding a weird device.

LET'S ALL GIVE A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE TO DR. HEINZ DOOFENSMIRTZ!

HIS CHOREOGRAPHY-INATOR IS BUT ONE OF MANY INATORS HE IS DEMONSTRATING AT HIS GAZEBO!

The boy then turns to everyone. GREETINGS! I'M CAVE JOHNSON! FOUNDER, CEO, AND HEAD SCIENTIST OF APETURE SCIENCE!

This causes a bit of a commotion down below, everyone is very surprised to learn that the person that organized this whole thing is actually a young teenager!

Oblivious to the commotion, cave continues. THIS IS A ONE HOUR WARNING! I REPEAT, ONE

HOUR UNTIL I GIVE MY DEMONSTRATION AT THE MAIN GAZEEBO!

Said cave right before he jumped off the building. Everyone screamed in panic...right before he landed on his feet completely unharmed! ALSO DIPPER, I'D LIKE YOU TO BE THERE TOO! Shouted cave as his test-subject boots gave him a major jumping boost on his way.

Nearby, Wendy froze. "Did he just say- No, I'm hearing things". Asserted Wendy as she cleaned her ears...which of course made her miss dipper as he rushed to the main gazebo...

…...

AAARRRRRRRGGGGHHH! screamed the nerd as he flipped the table. A POX ON THEE SPOT CHECK!...why don't we take a break? Offered the other nerd.

TO BE CONTINUED

…...

**DOWN WITH FLAMES! UP WITH REVIEWS!...wait, strike that, reverse it.**


	6. Chapter 6

BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO ch. 6

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

COME ONE! COME ALL! Shouted Cave as everyone gathered around the main gazebo. Then he noticed dipper walking toward him. "Hey, buddy! Glad you could make it! I saved you a seat!" Said Cave as he pointed toward a folding chair on the stage he set up.

Dipper sighed as he once more tried to reason with cave. "Look Cave, I'll admit this was a bigger success than I thought it would be"- "Thank you!" Shouted an excited Cave. "Yes, anyway. I'd also be lying if the whole 10 hours without blowing things up isn't great"- Easily beats my old record of 5 minutes!" Shouted the increasingly excited cave johnson.

Dipper decided to get right to the point. "Look Cave, I think you should call it a day- "Hold it!" Shouted a voice interrupting dipper. Both boys turned in time to see Lin beifong step up on the stage. "As I live and breath- said cave almost bursting with excitement. WE GOT A CELEBRITY HERE, FOLKS! THE LEGENDARY CHEIF BEIFONG, HERSELF!

Lin waited for the applause to die down before continuing. "Yes, well I hate to break this up. But I'm going to have to ask you to come with me- This was meet with Boo's from the audience. Dipper smiled, _well that worked out nicely. _Thought dipper to himself as he watched Cave look shocked. "What!? Why?" shouted Cave.

"didn't Varrick file all those "permit" thingies that prevent me getting arrested?" Lin raised an eyebrow at "thingies". But continued. "No, technically those are all in place...but all the property damage you caused driving around

like a maniac isn't!" "Wha?- But that was yesterday!" Stated a confused Cave.

Lin looked at him like he was an idiot(and she's not too far off the mark). "What dose that have to do with anything? It's still going to be as much rubble today as it was yesterday!" Before Cave could rebuke that. Dipper(against his better instincts) pipped up. "Uh, cave? Remember that sometimes your "condition" delays itself a day if you haven't met the local authorities yet."

Cave nods. "Oh...right...forget about that." Cave takes a deep breath, then turns to Lin. "Look, Mrs. Beifong...I've more or less planned this moment out for most of my short life...I have but 3 inventions to demonstrate today...is there anyway you could delay my incarceration until after that? I'd be happy to handcuff myself to you now; if you so wish...Lin gave Cave a long look.

"Ordinarily, I'd say no...but I got to admit...after seeing all the amazing things I've seen today...but I can't just do it!" "Okay. Okay". Reasoned Cave. "Let me sweeten the deal. Let me do one demonstration. I'm pretty sure dipper mentioned that this one can have many applications to the field of law-enforcement. Isn't that right dipper?"

Dipper was suddenly torn. On the one hand, he knew from experience that if Cave pushed his luck he'd inevitably do something...well, "Cave-ish."...and if he did that with any of these 3 particular inventions...the very thought of it made dipper shudder...On the other hand...he couldn't just crush the dreams of the best friend he had in the world...It was with great reluctance that dipper finally spoke: "Technically, yes...there could be a lot of benefits to police"-

"There you go!" Interrupted Cave. "Let me show this invention, and if it doesn't completely knock your socks off then you can lock me up and throw away the key!" Lin considered for a moment...then with a deep sigh she nodded. This was meet with cheers!

And then Lin slapped the handcuff's on. "Let's be clear, even if this impresses me. One way or another I'm taking you in after this is over! Reminded Lin. Cave smiled. "You won't regret this mam! Exclaimed Cave, oblivious to how his words sent shudders down both Lin's and dipper's spines.

ONE HOUR LATTER...

dipper sighed...it had all been going so well. The portal gun demonstration without a hitch(that portal-gel sprayer attachment he recommended was a real step up!).

Lin was impressed...or he assumed she was since she allowed him to continue. Despite his objections...he'd be lying if Cave's showmanship wasn't amazing to watch!

Disguising Wheatley(the worlds first A.I...and also technically it's first computer he supposed) as a masked and cloaked street performer to "work the crowd" so to speak. To smooth over the shock of the big reveal was a stroke of genius!

...and then they got to the stepper Tech...Dipper was still amazed how one little box could transport a person through an infinite number of seemingly uninhabited earth's; Or the "long earth" as Cave dubbed it.

...Now dipper knew that for the full concept of what this meant to mankind to be understood. It would take a lot more then one person at a time being "stepped"...still he honestly thought cave would be smart enough to realize that "stepping" the entire city to a new world and suspend it in midair above it!...Actually, now that he said it out loud that was exactly the sort of thing Cave would do...why he thought otherwise is strange...

Dipper had tried to stop Cave from activating the jumbo-sized stepper-box...but he'd been too late...at least the trip forward and back to their earth (or "earth Datum" as Cave called it) had caused the monstrosity to burn out and harmlessly implode...but that did nothing to quell the riot...

Cave looked at the commotion in disbelief. "Honestly, you'd think these people had never been on a floating island before."

Dipper groaned. "Cave remember that little chat I had with you about separating the things we've experienced from what "normal" people experience?"

Cave's eye's lit up..."Oh...right...my bad". Said Cave sheepishly. Right before Lin got over her shock and dragged Cave to her patrol car.

Dipper sighed. "Can I come with you? Dipper asked Lin. "I'm kind of his ride home." Lin shrugged. "Fine, I'll have plenty of questions for you too".

And so dipper, cave, and Lin drove away...Which means they missed the spectacle of an unconscious red haired girl being dragged into another patrol car...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED

**RUM A TUM TUM IS A CURIOUS REVIEW!**


	7. Chapter 7

BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO chapter 7

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

The police station was in panic! The city was in complete chaos! And in the

middle of it all in Lin's office was the boy responsible for it all...Who didn't

seem to care! Infuriating Lin to no end. "-Look I get it, all the cops I've had

to deal with; go through the same thing when I first show up." Said Cave in

reassurance. "Look, here's what usually happens: I spend the night in the

slammer, but then everything's hunkey dorey in the morning, I'm let out, and

we can all become great friends!" Exclaimed an excited Cave. Lin just stared

in disbelief at the supposed boy "genius" in front of her. Before rubbing her

head in annoyance. _Yep, it's going to be one "those" nights..._

…_..._

"Careful with that!" Shouted Doofensmirtz as the police carted away his

inators. Fearing what any common criminal could do with any of the

inventions shown at the fair. Lin immediately ordered all the inventions to be

safeguarded during the ensuing riot and all inventors put in protective

custody. They continued carting it...right past the room Wendy was in.

Wendy sighed, for the life of her she didn't understand what had happened...

One moment she was trying to navigate the chaotic labyrinth that was the

fair...the next moment everything was shaking and screaming! A nearby

building was burning down with people still inside! Not having much choice

Wendy had been forced to bend multiple elements in front of everyone. She

saved everyone...Only to be knocked unconscious by a piece of wreckage.

When she came to she was in this room. She was told that "technically" she

wasn't under arrest...She was told that she would be free to go...just as soon

as the chief and council member Tenzin had a word with her. Wendy groaned.

She could see where this was going...They'd come in here all smiles and

handshakes...Then they'd tell her how "great" it was to be the avatar, what

an "honor" it is, that it's her "Destiny"...or some other crap like that...and

she'd fold...she didn't know how but she knew if she faced all that on her

own...she'd fold...She briefly toyed with just breaking out of here...but

then what? Live life on the lamb? As a fugitive?...No...Maybe...Maybe

she should just accept her fate...just like dipper...

And with that last somber thought...She began to cry.

Little did she know that on the opposite side of the wall, Dipper pines waited

calmly(if a bit irritated by the dust in the air) for information about Cave.

Yep, two people separated by a paper-thin wall...with their luck it might as well be an ocean...

…...

The nerd sighed as he stared at his game stat sheet. "Oh, well if they haven't

noticed each other by now. Then they probably never will...what a waste!

This game is a rip-off! I want my money ba-"

…...

Watch out! Shouted doof as one of the policeman accidentally dropped one of

his inators. ZAP! Went the choreography-inator! Suddenly, most of the police force started to break into song!

…...

**Somewhere out there, beneath the pale moon light  
Someone's thinking of me, and loving me tonight**

…**...**

Achoo! Sneezed dipper in his annoyingly cute kitten sneeze. On the other

side of the wall Wendy's ears perked up. "Wha-"

…**...**

**( policemen (against their will) pull violins from evidence locker and play an Irish Didi)**

**Somewhere out there, someone's saying a prayer  
That we'll find one another, in that big somewhere out there**

…**...**

Achoo! Sneezed dipper yet again. Not able to believe her ears Wendy slowly

turned around to look at the wall. _T-that sneeze. _Thought Wendy in disbelief...

…**...**

**And even though I know how very far apart we are  
It helps to think we might be wishing, on the same bright star**

…**...**

Achoo! Sneezed dipper a third- Next thing he knows the wall behind him

crumples and he's looking into the face of someone he'd long thought dead.

Wendy!? Exclaimed dipper in amazement. D-dipper? Asked a now very tearful Wendy.

…...

**And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby  
It helps to think we're sleeping, underneath the same big sky**

…**...**

Not knowing what to say. The two friends; long separated, simply enjoyed a

tearful embrace, overjoyed with being reunited at last. And the police (under

the influence of the inator) looked on while applauding as they still sang.

…**...**

**Somewhere out there, if love can see us through  
Then we'll be together, somewhere out there  
Out where dreams come true**

…**...**

The nerd coughed as he hacked up a nasty hairball. "Right, sorry about that

sudden interruption. What was I talking about?" The other nerd smiled.

"Actually, I believe the fat lady has sung." Confused, the first nerd looked at

the game sheets again...And then erupted! "A sneeze!? Seriously!? That's

what were going with!? That is the lamest- You know what!? Frak this! I'm

going home!" And with that, he stormed off! The other nerd glanced at his

buddy. 'Explain to me why your friends with that weirdo?" The other guy

looked at him confused. My friend? I thought he was yours!...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED...

…...

**Next chapter: Tenzin tries to convince Wendy to be the avatar...dipper isn't happy.**

**REVIEW! REVIEW! It's a hell of a town!**

**Don't forget to post a shout out on my mom's birthday story!**


	8. Chapter 8

BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO ch.8

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

"What is going on here!?" Shouted Lin as she rushed out of the office. First the

office erupts with singing. Then the "avatar" busts down a wall...and now she

was hugging that dipper boy? Cave gives the scene a once over. "Now I'm not

what you'd call "socially inclined"...but judging by the mood and theme of the

music we just heard, and what little I know of dipper's former life...this is just

a guess mind you...But I'd say that's Wendy Corduroy, dipper's best friend

back in the old days before his hometown blew up and he believed her

dead...apparently she thought him dead as well." Cave couldn't help but gush

a bit. "Well isn't that sweet? A happy reunion all around!" "Yeah...happy"...

said Lin while in deep thought. _The long lost friend of the avatar(who also _

_happens to be the best friend of this "boy genius" !). just happens to find her _

_on on the day we find her?...I have a bad feeling about this... _

Cave, oblivious to Lin's inner-turmoil. Continues to enjoy the scene. "Ah, they look so happy!"...

…...

_Well...this is awkward. _Thought a flustered Dipper to himself. It was so

amazing to have Wendy back! Dipper didn't know how to put how great it is in

words! Everything was awesome!...Then his mind strayed to how good it felt

to hug Wendy again...and it kinda went downhill from there...and now dipper

was desperately trying to think of a nice way to end the hug without anyone

seeing his "stiffie". Thankfully, Wendy never seemed to notice this happening

when he hugged her in the past. So he still had some time!

…...

_Wow...he's really grown up..._thought an equally embarrassed Wendy. As it

turns out, she had noticed what happened when dipper hugged her in the past.

However, she hadn't said anything to save him some embarrassment. It helped

that back when he was 12, the "problem" had been easy to ignore...now it was

proving almost impossible to ignore it! Wendy was desperately trying to figure

out how to end the hug without letting on she knew!

…...

Despite the situation, Lin couldn't help but chuckle. Having been in this same

situation a couple times with a certain air-bender. It was easy enough to figure

out their "situation." So she decided to give them a break. "Okay you two,

that's enough!" shouted Lin as she caused a metal wall to spring up between

them forcing them to separate. She quickly spoke to Wendy. "Alright "Mrs.

Avatar." I was informed a couple minutes ago that councilman Tenzin has

arrived, we'll talk to you now." Wendy groaned, she'd forgotten about that!

"Avatar? What's she talking about?" Asked dipper. With a sigh Wendy

explained the situation. Dippers expression darkened. He turned to Lin.

"Could I sit in on this meeting as well?" Lin frowned. On the one hand no

charges were being brought against Wendy, so technically there was no reason

for her to deny this request...on the other hand...this kid was giving her a

bad feeling. "You can...but it's not necessary"- "I'll decide that, thank you."

Said dipper flatly as he followed after Lin and a very confused Wendy not far behind...

…...

Tenzin was not having a good day. He'd been so excited to learn a new avatar

had been found! Finally, the world would be back in balance! He'd also been

looking forward to teaching the new avatar air bending! Those hopes were

quickly dashed! He'd barely greeted her before-

FLASHBACK...

"How do you know she's the Avatar?" Asked dipper flatly. "I beg your pardon?"

Asked a confused Tenzin. "I mean what proof do you have that she's the

Avatar?" Reaffirmed dipper. "There are several witnesses that saw her bending

multiple elements." Dipper nodded. "Okay, but correct me if I'm wrong but

avatar Korra was confirmed, was she not?" Tenzin looked bewildered. "Yes, but

what dose that-" "And how old would she be now." Tenzin was starting to get

irritated, this was a very sensitive subject after all! "She'd be 17, now will you

please-" "Wendy remind me how old you are?" Said dipper not missing a beat.

-"I'm 18." said Wendy not really getting where dipper was going with this. But

Lin did. -"So she can't be the Avatar." Conceded Lin. WHAT!? Exclaimed

Tenzin. "Tenzin, she's older than korra. That pretty much makes it impossible

for the avatar spirit to have left a dead korra (Tenzin flinched at that) and

transferred into Wendy at birth." Explained Lin. "But- I- She- She can bend

multiple elements! How is she not the avatar?! Just because something like

this hasn't happened before doesn't mean it can't happen!" Dipper nodded.

"True, but that same argument can be used to support the theory of a person

having control of multiple elements; yet not being the avatar." Tenzin groaned

and rubbed his forehead in irritation. This was not going as smoothly as he

hopped! Then it hit him! "There are tests that can confirm it!" He shouted

suddenly. Wendy looked uncomfortable. "Wait- I don't-" "It's okay Wendy,

take the tests, I'm confident of the results." Said dipper to the shock of

everyone. Wendy looked at dipper confused. Dipper, what- And then dipper

did the all too familiar "Zipper across the mouth" gesture. The same gesture

they used to secretly communicate hundreds of times together in their youth.

After a moments hesitation, Wendy nodded...

…...

Tenzin remembered hope rising as Wendy took the tests...only for it to be

dashed completely! All tests came back negative! The air nation reincarnation

toy recognition test: NEGATIVE! The water tribe Soul-smear test: NEGATIVE!

The fire nation gauntlet of mandala's test: NEGATIVE! The earth nation

Crack-in-the-Box test(why uncle Bumi changed the name he'll never know):

NEGATIVE!...naturally things went downhill from there...

FLASHBACK…...

"I trust that satisfactorily proves that Wendy isn't the Avatar" stated dipper.

Lin nodded. It would seem so. She admitted. "But I don't understand!

Spluttered Tenzin. How-" "Whether you understand it or not isn't mine or

Wendy's concern." Said Dipper flatly. He then turns to Lin. "What is our

concern is whether Wendy is being charged with anything?" Lin shook her

head. No. "Okay, more importantly: Wendy, do you want to be avatar?" Wendy

couldn't believe it! Was she actually getting out of this? "Uh...No, not really."

Confessed Wendy. "What!? Shouted Tenzin. Why wouldn't you want-" "She

gave you her answer. Interjected Dipper. Now if there's nothing else, we'll be

leaving." "B-but- but you can't-" "I said that'll be all!" snapped dipper at

Tenzin. As he and Wendy left the room...

…...

Dipper that was awesome! Exclaimed Wendy. Dipper blushed. Oh, it was

nothing. I've been through similar situations countless times. Said dipper as

he remembered all the hundreds of courts he had to go before on caves behalf.

"Still, I got to ask: how'd you know I wasn't the avatar?" Dipper smiled as he

pulled out a couple of weird devices. "I had my friend cave build me these on

our travels. The avatar spirit, is a level 100 nature spirit. And as you can see,

you have no natural energy coming form you." Then Dipper frowned. "You do

however have an unusually large amount of **Un**natural energy coming from

you...not gonna lie to you, your gonna wanna get that checked." Wendy

looked at the device concerned. "Uh...okay, I'll keep that in mind" Then she

just smiled at him. "It's good to have you here dipper." Dipper smiled back. It's

good to be here too. For a moment, they were quiet...neither knowing what to

say...what could they say? Wendy scratched her head nervously. "So...where

do we go from here?" Dipper shrugged. "I don't know...for now let's just say

were good friends that finally got back together...and just see where it goes

from there?" Wendy nodded. "I think I'd like that"...

…...

**TO BE CONTINUED**

**AN: next chapter the title of this story will finally make sense!**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**I'M TOO OLD FOR THIS REVIEW!**


	9. Chapter 9

BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO ch. 9

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Wendy yawned as she woke up. Her and dipper had slept in the police waiting room. It had been an interesting night. First reuniting with dipper, then him getting her off the hook, then a very interesting talk...

…**...FLASHBACK...**

Uh, dipper? Not to sound ungrateful...but why'd you get me out of being the avatar? Wouldn't you be ecstatic with me being the hero? Wendy was shocked how quickly dipper's expression darkened.

"Not any more Wendy...I'm done with that." He then explained how losing gravity falls and everyone he knew and loved made him rethink everything. He realized that wanting to be the hero...was just his attempt to be noticed...to get everyone to like him...to impress people.

"I spent my whole life worrying about what everyone thought about me...instead of being grateful for the people who were already standing by my side...Like you." said dipper warmly. Wendy couldn't help but blush at that.

Dipper then went on to explain how from that point on; Although he'd stop any injustice that happened in front of him...But going out of his way to be the hero? For the people he loved, anytime. But the world as a whole? No. Never again.

Wendy frowned at that. "But dipper...what if we end up in another "End-of-the-world-as-know-it" situation?" Dipper smiled mischievously. "huh, that's a good question." Said dipper in good humor. "I'll have to think on that." He then dramatically pretended to think. And right before Wendy's eye's dipper vanished into thin air...

…...

And that was how Wendy was introduced to the Long-Earth. Apparently dipper and cave were "natural steppers"(which meant they didn't need stepper-tech to shift between worlds). Wendy tried her hand at it...but it became apparent that even with a stepper she got sick. Still seeing all those new earths were beautiful...And there were already people surging there!

Apparently Cave and dipper had decided it would be best to make arrangements that during the expo. Every last person on the planet would get detailed instructions on how to build their own stepper-tech(which really wasn't that hard; all you needed was a potato and a bunch of stuff you can buy at any 99 Yen store).

See? Stated dipper as they shifted back to the waiting room. "If something starts to mess up this world every week like in gravity falls...well just go to a new one." "Just like that?" Stated an incredulous Wendy. Dipper nodded. "Just like that." Wendy could only stare in disbelief...

…...

Needless to say after hearing so much about this "Cave". She wanted to meet him. So they meet with him in his cell. Wendy was a little confused that dipper didn't seem to be more concerned about his friend being in jail. When she asked, dipper just cryptically said: "You'll understand in the morning."

Her first impression of Cave was...for lack of a better word "eccentric." Especially when he seemed certain he'd seen her before(but couldn't remember where). Dipper groaned at this. Apparently whenever Cave said something like that it usually came back to haunt them(and by "them" dipper meant himself!).

…...

Then they went back to the waiting room to catch up and got to know each other better...

…...

So you've really mastered all the elements? Asked an interested dipper. Wendy frowned. Well...not air...Between the fact it's the opposite of my own personality...and the lack of masters, I haven't been able to really do anything with that...which is too bad cause it looks interesting- Really! Interjected a voice nearby. They both looked over and Tenzin coming over to them.

Dipper glared. "What do you want?" Tenzin smiled and was about to respond when dipper held out his hands. "Wait, don't tell me. You couldn't help but "overhear" us. And you want to invite Wendy to live in your home to train her. And of course your doing all this for purely altruistic reasons. With no ulterior motives. Like say convince Wendy to be the avater! Dipper gave Tenzin a look. That sound about right?" Uh...yes? Said a confused Tenzin as more of a question than a statement.

Then to everyone's surprise Wendy spoke up: "Hold on dipper let's hear him out." Dipper was about to protest. But Wendy did their trademark zipper across lips motion of trust. So he remained silent. She turned to Tenzin. "Would I have to pay for rent or food?" Tenzin startled by this amazing stroke of good luck, quickly responded. N-no! Wendy smiled. "And I'd be free to leave whenever I wanted?" Tenzin let out a resigned sigh. Yes.

Wendy smiled. "Okay, but under one condition. My friends get to stay with me." Tenzin nodded. "So be it." he then turned around and walked off. Dipper turned to Wendy. "Yeah, I know. Conceded Wendy, cutting dipper off. But here's the thing...me and my team...were kinda broke...we have no idea how were going to afford the rent where were at...so I kinda need to grab what I can get. Admitted a resigned Wendy...

…**...NOW...**

As Wendy fondly remembered the events of last night. A man ran through the front door! Chief! Chief! Exclaimed the man! Your not going to believe this!

…...

A few minutes later everyone(except dipper) was gaping in disbelief. The city...Was fine...all the death, destruction, and mayhem...it was just gone...like it never happened. A pale Lin looks over at dipper. How? Asked Lin simply. Dipper sighs. "Cave calls it the STAUS QUO"...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**HA! DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING DID YOU!?**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	10. Chapter 10

BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO ch.10

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

And so dipper explained how many years ago Cave had accidentally tapped into a strange energy force that saturated the universe. Cave being cave tried to turn it into an energy drink...But accidentally linked it with his being instead.

To this day not much was known about it...except it's sole purpose was to keep everything "the same"...hence the name "status quo". Now when dipper joined him on his travels , learned about it, and dipper finally made cave understand the full ramifications of it. Cave's first thought was to use it to benefit mankind by giving it to everyone! But dipper was quick to convince him not to.

"Why? Asked A confused Lin. By the sound of it while he's spared negative consequences you aren't." Dipper sighed. "You've meet him...Do you really want him messing with the fundamental building blocks of the universe?" Lin paled. "Point taken." She conceded. Dipper took this as a Que to continue.

"So in a nutshell no matter how badly he screws up...it always ends up fine for him, and all the destruction and suffering is always reversed by the end of the day at least." Tenzin just shook his in disbelief. "This is insane! It makes no sense!" Cave looked at him confused.

"Didn't you just hear dipper's explanation? Do you need to hear it again? Then he smiled. Or perhaps you would like to hear it in song!"

"NO! Shouted dipper. No cave! You promised! No singing those songs from that Glob-awful musical high school we were forced to stay at for awhile!" Cave furrows his brows(or he would if his eyebrows hadn't long since burned away) in concentration. Then snapped his fingers.

"Oh, that's right!...Explain to me again why you hated that place? It was so whimsical, musical, and optimistic!" Dipper glared. "It was also filled with cliched overused relationship plots, flat stereotypical students, and an atmosphere so sickly sweet I had to get surgery for diabetes!"

Cave sigh..."True the school itself wasn't great...But the music was amazing!" Dipper nodded. "Okay, some of the music was okay...the first 20 times I heard it!" He snapped irritably!

Lin choose that moment to cough to get back everyone's attention. "Right, if we could just get back to the fact that our reality literally just reset itself!" Dipper immediately stepped up and handed her his credentials. "Okay, any further questions will be answered by me. As you can see I'm a licensed attorney." Lin gave him a bewildered look. "Why?" She asked incredulously. "Bear in mind that I travel with cave." said dipper flatly. Lin sighed. "Fair enough"...

…..5 legal minutes later...

"So dipper now that the expo. is over. Where do you want to go next? Asked Cave as he, dipper, and Wendy walked out of the police department. Go visit my fellow innovators at their new job at varick's various holdings and estates? See how people are getting along with the steppers? Check out those crazy rumors about pod people?"

"Actually, Wendy is staying in Republic city for a couple months and I'd like to stay with her."

"Couple of months? Wow! I can't remember the last time we stayed anywhere so long! Well, we best get cracking! To the Hinden-Cave!" Shouted Cave as he activated one of his capsules and turned it into a giant zeppline. Cave quickly jumped in and powered it up and-

**KABOOM!**

Oh my Glob! Shouted Lin

Chief Lin, I'm so sorry! Shouted a repentant Cave.

How can you even afford these things!?

Wendy and dipper watched the carnage from a safe distance. "Is he always like this?" Asked Wendy in disbelief. "Yep." stated Dipper simply as he walked over to put out the fires(both metaphorically and literally)...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**OH THE HUMANITY!**

**OH THE LACK OF REVIEWS!**


	11. Chapter 11

BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO ch.11

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Tenzin groaned. The last week had been a nightmare! He knew having that girl and her friends around might be...a challenge...But that Cave!

…...Flashback...

_He dose know that's a pantry he's sleeping in, right? GASP! My spices!..._

_CRASH! Cave we have a door! Shouted an exasperated Pema as Cave once more ran/smashed through the window/wall/air vent..._

_Cave attempts to fix the sink- KABOOM!..._

_Cave tries to use a can-opener- KABOOM!..._

_Cave tries to pour milk on his cereal- KABOOM!..._

_ZAP! Pema smiled as her children finally went to sleep. "And it's called a tazer?" She asked. Cave nodded. "It was invented by Marge Simpson...Apparently it's already become very popular among over-worked Mom's." Pema nodded. "I can see why"..._

…...

Still...Wendy's training...had sort of taken off...At least as far as her friend was concerned...

…...flashback...

_Tenzin stares speechless as dipper successfully navigates the gates. Wha- How'd you?- No, non-bender has ever succeeded this! Dipper shrugs. "I'm used to dodging and weaving." Said dipper as he fondly remembered all the times he acted as support to compliment Wendy's heavy hitter tactics. _

_While she wailed on a monster he would throw bombs at the beasts reinforcements, shot poison darts at the beast while it was distracted by Wendy knocking it's teeth out, or throw a health potion at Wendy when she got hurt...good times...sorta._

_Wendy, still nursing wounds from her failed attempt at the gates. Leaned over to dipper. "You'll teach me to do that, right?" She whispered. Dipper gave her a quick nod when he knew Tenzin wasn't looking..._

…_..._

Tenzin sighed, Yes Wendy was improving by leaps and bounds...but he suspected that was mainly because Dipper was clearly secretly training her after hours! They were treating him like he was an enemy spy that needed to be kept in the dark! In his own home, no less!

Yes, he wanted to get to know Wendy better...Maybe discover the source of her reluctance for being the Avatar...And if possible help her with that...But nothing sinister!

And her constant desire for pro-bending! Of course there was nothing he could about that as Dipper constantly reminded him. Not only was her training progressing steadily but by their agreement they were free to leave whenever they wanted!...Also he had to admit the sport was growing on him...

…...flashback...

_Dipper cheered the fire ferrets as they scored again. He'd never really been into sports before...but this was amazing! _

_He'd been reluctant to hang with Mako and Bolin at first when they came to stay on the island...but after awhile he realized they were great people and warmed up to them(especially when he learned that they were both too intimidated by Wendy to consider dating her). _

_He blushed as he saw Wendy shove another icicle into yet another testicle! __**It is not okay that seeing her do that turns me on. **__Thought Dipper privately to himself..._

…...

Tenzin sighed, he rested his weary head on a pillow as he tried to finally relax-

"Bolin's been capture by the equalists!" Shouted a panicky Mako in the front yard!

Tenzin just groaned...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**AND IT'S SO EASY WHEN YOUR EVIL! **

**AND I DO IT ALL FOR FREE! **

**YOUR REVIEWS ARE ALL THE PAY I'll EVER NEED!**


	12. Chapter 12

BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO ch.12

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

"Bolin's been kidnapped!? Shouted Cave. To the cave copter!" He jumped into the helicopter-

**CRASH!**

Which he then crashes into the front yard. "Oh, my blood! Oh, my blood!" Shouted a frantic Cave as the destabilized copter continued to tear through the grounds.

Tenzin comes out to find his yard being torn the bits. "Cave, what the hell!?" Shouted Tenzin as he dodged the flying debris.

"Tenzin! Tenzin! Get inside! The blades are still- Ow!" Shouted Cave as he too dodged the calamity.

"Oh, my Glob! Cave what is that thing!? It's tearing up my yard! Oh my glob!" Finally, after several intense minutes the copter finally died.

Cave quickly shouted: "Status Quo!" Thus causing twin rainbows to pop out of his palms and restore the whole area. He quickly runs up to Tenzin who's busy dusting himself off.

"Oh, Tenzin. I am sorry, buddy-" "It's okay. It's okay. I'm fine, everybody's fine." Assured Tenzin. "Wow, that was scary." summed up Cave.

…...5 minutes latter...

"We've come for our friend you dirty equalists!" Shouted Cave as he and the others burst out of a toilet bowl. He took one look at the restroom; then said: "Well I'm completely lost."

Wendy looked flabbergasted. "But how did we- Were we just- When did we- Weren't we just in a car?" Dipper shook his head. "Don't try to apply logic...it just makes things worse."

He glares at Mako. "Why on earth did you let Cave navigate?" "I was busy driving!" Snapped Mako.

…...7 minutes latter...

"We've come for our friend you dirty equalists!" Shouted Cave as he and the others smashed down the cell door. Zaheer looked up from his shackles at the people who had just broke into his cell.

"Well this is new." said Zaheer with a smile. Cave looked apologetic. "Oh, I'm terribly sorry sir-" "Oh, it's quite alright; it's a nice break in my usual routine." Said Zaheer in good humor.

"How did we get on top of a freaking mountain!?" screamed a confused Wendy.

…...3 minutes latter...

"Oh, come on! The spirit world!? How do you get into the spirit world without noticing you've entered the mother-flipping spirit world!?" Screamed Wendy inside the spirit world.

...…...127 Cave attempts to find bolin latter...

"Finally!" Shouted an exasperated Wendy as they found the equalist rally. "And all we had to do was tie up and gag Cave." said Dipper as he freed Cave.

Mako looked at the proceedings. "Sheesh, there's a whole army of equalists down there-" He shook his head. "You know I can't ask you guys to risk your lives for me-"

"Shut it Mako! Snapped(to everyone's surprise) Cave. Friends risk everything for each other! Although I admit your more Wendy's friend than mine; And Wendy in turn is really more dipper's friend then mine. Sometimes you can hang with someone you think is totally cool; but they never become besties. Now I don't know why that happens; but regardless, let's do this!"

Dipper nodded. "Alright, but were going to need a distraction." Cave smiled. "Leave that to me." Said Cave as he pulled out a familiar inator. Everyone groaned...

…...

Amon after demonstrating his anti-bending powers on his first victim. Suddenly feels his body and voice no longer obeying him...

**If I ruled the world **

Sang the now weirded out audience

**I would make sure my clones don't give any slack. **

Sang Amon as He found himself forced to laugh manically(much to his embarrassment)

**I would treat people bad, **

**That's a well know fact. **

**Imagine that! **

**Now let me tell you a little something about me... **

**Go 'head **

Sang the audience

**My name is Amon, y'all **

**uh, oh!**

Sang the audience

**Just call me Mr. A**

**evil! **

Sang the audience

**And when my plan is in effect **

**I'm gonna be boss of mean! **

**I got the super genes **

**Yes, sir! **

Sang his men

**I got some troopers too **

**Were here!**

Sang his men

**We're going over seas, **

**We're gonna get rid of you. **

**Watch out!**

Sang his men

**Equality for president **

**That makes us V.I.P.'s!**

**Broadcast on nightly news, **

**You're cryin' on your knees!**

**Bout time for world to change, **

**Bout time for fortune and fame, **

**You got yourself to blame, **

**You all will scream my name. **

**Hail to the equalist king **

**Hail to the equalist king **

**Hail to the equalist king **

**La La La La! **

Sang the people in chorus, random people then began to sing praise

**He's bad, **

**He's mean, **

**He's cool, **

**He stinks! **

Against his will, amon was forced ask:

**Whoa! Whoa! Who said that? **

One of the audience panicked.

**Sorry, dog... **

Amon nodded

**That's ok; **

He then turns to his men and shouts:

**Take him away, take him away! **

Suddenly the audience member is grabbed and hauled onto the stage

**I may get evil just like me; **

**It's been this way through history. **

**Paybacks a mug **

**You wait and see **

**Let's go! **

**Let's go!**

**Let's go! Go! Go!**

Sang the men as they threw the audience member back into the audience. Their was a moment of confusion before audience dog piles on the guy and reduces him to a skeleton in seconds.

**I'll feed you all to my sea beast **

**And watch him while he has a feast, **

**It's peanut time to say the least **

**World... **

**Domination! **

Finished the troops

**Warriors... **

**That's us! **

Confirmed The soldiers

**Equalists... **

**Everyone! **

Sang the Equalists with a nod

**Benders... **

**You're gonna be annihilated! **

Affirmed the men with a salute

**Take over... **

**Obvious! **

They declared

**Soldiers... **

**March, march! **

They sang as they marched in place(while feeling ridiculous)

**Non-benders... **

**Superior! **

They once more shouted

**And Amon's... **

**Nuts! **

They sang confused.

Amon, feeling control of his body return to him...sighed. Throughout the whole thing he'd been forced to watch helplessly as the "Not-Avatar", the "Cave-Boy", and others released all his prisoners.

He glared at everyone. "This never happened." He said flatly. Everyone nodded, he didn't have to tell them twice!

…...

Bolin hugged his brother appreciatively. Dipper watched all the triad men vanish into the night concerned. "You know, I went along with it in the heat of the moment...but I'm really regretting letting those guys go; now that I think about it." Cave chuckled. "Dipper, you worry too much!"

…...

Meanwhile the triads had convened. They had agreed to put aside their differences and join forces against the Equalists. And if they happened to take over the city in the process...well, life had it's bonuses...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: Not only Equalists, but triads too!? Oh, My!**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**You want the review!?**

**You can't handle the review! **

**(seriously, please review)**


	13. Chapter 13

BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO ch.13

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Tenzin was still chuckling over the memory of last night. Despite Wendy not being the avatar. That hadn't stopped Tarrlock from trying to get her on his task force!

It had all culminated to a gala with Tarrlock using the press to try and trap Wendy...But thanks to dipper it was Tarrlock that was trapped!

…**..FLASHBACK...**

"-Avatar Wendy, you witnessed Amon take away people's bending firsthand. How serious a threat does he pose to the innocent citizens of Republic City?"

Wendy confused and disoriented by the sudden press attack, tries to stumble through this-

Or is about to, before Dipper takes charge. "Okay, first off! Get your facts straight! Wendy isn't the avatar! Yes, she can bend multiple elements; but she's been proven to not be the avatar! Ask Chief Lin, And Councilman Tenzin!"

Confused and curious, the press strays away from the Tarrlock's preferred topics and asks questions about what Wendy is then if not the avatar.

And for the next several minutes Dipper gives some very interesting and insightful answers about that(while subtly making sure to get them further off the previous topic).

Finally, Tarlock annoyed by this derailment; steps in. "Isn't there other things that you'd like to talk about, good people of the press?" He asks suddenly, while secretly signaling to his agents among them to get things back on task. One takes the hint.

"Why have you refused to join Tarrlok's task force? Avatar or not, wouldn't your skills be best served going _after_ Amon?" Wendy didn't know what to say to that...Dipper on the other hand-

"Huh, Tarrlock asks for the subject changed; and suddenly someone asks why she isn't on his task force? I didn't know you had the press on your payroll." Dipper asks Tarrlock. Tarrlock blanched at the sudden redirect toward him, but quickly recovered.

"That's a bit presumptuous , don't you think my boy?" He countered. Dipper shrugs. "Not really, considering you just gave "the Five Points of Fellowship" hand gesture. A common hand signal among conspirators." Said Dipper as he perfectly mimicked the hand signal Tarrlock used to signal his agents. Much to his horror and disbelief.

Suddenly people in the gala and the press began to talk and Tarrlock paled at the few small snippets of conversation and gossip he was able to hear. This was getting out of control! He needed Wendy on his taskforce if he was to salvage this night!

"As a fellow citizen of Republic city don't you have an obligation to help your fellow countrymen!?" He shouted suddenly. Dipper smirked. "Wow, so now your not even trying to be subtle?"

"Answer the question! He snapped. Why are you backing away from this fight!?" An indignant Wendy was about to retort to that angrily; But Dipper quickly cut her off.

"And how exactly is this her fight? Last I checked, she doesn't belong to the police, the military, the government, or any similar organization. She has about as much "obligation as any other teenager her age!" Tarrlock tried to-

"Or are you suggesting that the police/military/government are so incompetent that they having a teenage girls help would be a step up?" Dipper interrupted with a smirk. Tarrlock suddenly felt the glares of the dozens of high-ranking officials he'd invited here boring into him.

"O-of course not! Said Tarrlock quickly. Republic city has the finest officials in the world!" "Good! Then you don't need Wendy's help, and I think this press conference is over!" Before anyone could stop them. Wendy and Dipper ran out of the building. Tarrlock just stood there in disbelief.

_What just happened here?_ Thought the confused and disoriented councilman. His mood didn't improve when he saw his banquet being gobbled down(and in some instances urinated on) by an army of hobo's.

"Hey Tarrlock! Shouted Cave. I think your chief's screwed up! They made way too much food for such a small amount of people! Don't worry, though! I quickly found these fine ladies and gentleman who have promised to make sure that not even a crumb is wasted!"

Tarrlock said nothing. He simply laid down into a troubled fetal position and wept.

…...

Tenzin laughed! The night hadn't gotten much better for Tarrlock! Cave's demonstration of his "shark attractor" saw to that!

He chuckled as he munched on another of those marvelous Wonka bars that were introduced to the world during the expo.

He'd asked Dipper how he got so good at "spinning". Dipper simply said: "This wasn't his first rigged press conference." He said it so darkly that Tenzin felt it best to drop it.

Needless to say Tarrlock had been keeping a low profile lately. In fact, maybe now was a good time to res-

**BOOM!**

Tenzin groaned. As he got out of bed to see what Cave had done this time...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**You'll shot your eye out(with that review) kid. HO! HO! HO!**


	14. Chapter 14

BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO ch.14

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

"-So you think you can fix it?" Asks a hopeful Ikki. Cave Johnson Smiled. "Of course!" He then takes from her one of the many new things she was introduced to at the fair; a "Slinky". He then starts to work on it.

After a couple minutes- "There! It's done!" He exclaims, he sets it down and lets it fall over...It then bursts into flames! Ikki smirks at Jinora. "Told you he'd be able to set it ablaze!" Jinora just shakes her head. "This guy just makes no sense!" She exclaims as she forks over her side in the wager.

Dipper meanwhile having trained himself to react instantaneously to any fire(out of necessity from traveling with Cave). Quickly puts the fire out. Not missing a beat. Cave then converses with Dipper.

"Hey, Dipper! I discovered a new way to warp cheese! Want to watch?" Dipper shook his head. "Sorry Cave, I already told Wendy I'd help her figure out her airbending today." "Oh...okay that's cool." Said a despondent Cave. He than walks off dejectedly...

…...

Pema calmly prepared dinner. Despite the added craziness, the children calming down with her trusty tazer had made things much more peaceful-

**RIP!**

She groaned, now if Cave could just remember to not walk through the sliding paper screen doors! Cave gave out a depressed sigh. He then turns to Pema. "Mrs. Jinora's mom...Your a girl right?" ..."yes?" She states cautiously.

Cave nods. "Good. Then can you tell me the secrets of girls; so that I may make Dipper happy the way a girl can?" Pema dose a huge spit-take. "I beg your pardon?!" She shouts mortified. Unabated, cave explains.

"Dipper's been spending more time with Wendy lately, and it would seem he's happier and therefore better friends with her than me." Pema tries to comfort the boy. "Oh, I'm sure that's not true cave-"

"It is true! My happy-O-meter, showed me!" He says as he pulls out a weird looking gizmo. "I had to build a new one, the last one overloaded and exploded when I used it to scan Wendy and Dipper!" Cave sighed.

"I talked to Tenzin about it and he said that girls have a natural advantage of making guys happy; but when I tried to get more details...He clammed up and left the room...Apparently, because I don't know how reproduction works; I guess...Which makes no sense to me...I mean what dose the act of reproduction have to do with girls making guys happy? It just sounds like gibberish to me! What do you think Mrs.-"

And that's when Cave saw he was talking to an empty room. Cave sighed. "Dang it! That's the fifth time today!...Man, I feel blue...Maybe an experiment will make me fell better..."

…...

Cave fired up his recently invented SuperBaller Gun and let it fly. The Rainbow ball flopped around on the ground randomly...until it hit Cave!

This caused him to bounce around randomly. WEEEE! Shouted an excited Cave in between having his body smacked around...he hit everything! Cars, buildings, people, girls on motorcycles-

…...

Asami felt like she'd been hit by a car. She suddenly found herself flying through the air and landing in a nearby alley. She quickly looked around and saw a younger boy lying on his stomach scribbling in a note book and talking out loud.

"-SuperBaller experiment #1...duration 5:42 minutes...stability...Adequate...ability to make me forget my troubles...dismal." Cave sighed as he got to his feet. Asami immediately recognized him.

"Hey! Your that kid that was in charge of the Expo!" Cave nodded in a sullen manner. "Yeah, that was me." Asami looked at him concerned. "Are you alright? Do you need to go to the hospital?" Cave waved a hand dismissively.

"No, I've been through worst...I'm just a bit blue is all." Before Asami realized what was happening she found herself as a sympathetic ear. And within minutes she didn't know what to think of this boy. On the one hand he was clearly a genius...On the other hand it was like talking to a 5 year old...a very weird 5 year old...But a sweet, weird 5 year old...That may also be slightly insane.

Still, she couldn't help be swept in by this kids zeal for adventure and exploration. And feel deeply touch by his simple, innocent desire to figure out how to be a better friend. Then Cave suddenly got an idea.

"Hey, wait. Your a girl, right?" Asami looked at him bewildered. "Um...last time I checked, yeah." Cave nodded. "Great! Could I hang out with you? Maybe if I spend enough time with you; I can figure out what girls have that I don't!"

Asami blushed at that last remark. Then considered his words...on the one hand this kid seemed more then a little unstable...On the other hand how often did a person get the opportunity to hang with a guy who temporarily flung an entire city to an alternate earth? She shrugged.

"Sure, why not?" "Woo-hew! Shouted an excited Cave. I'll set up the music!" He says as he whips out his inator.

**ZAP!**

Asami blanched as weird, uplifting music began to play from thin air. Cave smiled. "Good! It's happy music! Were already off to great start!" Shouted Cave as he quickly dragged the confused Asami (who was already starting to regret her decision) away...

**There's no way to say this song's about someone else  
Every time you're not in my arms  
I start to lose myself  
Someone please pass me my shades  
Don't let 'em see me down  
You have taken over my days  
So tonight I'm going out**

Asami screamed as they rode a giant dragon/roller coaster that Cave had just built out of tuna cans, Styrofoam peanuts, and black magic...

**Yet I'm feeling like  
There is no better place than right by your side  
I had a little taste  
And I'll only spoil the party anyway  
'Cause all the girls are looking fine  
But you're the only one on my mind**

Asami could only laugh as she danced with a giant spider that Cave hypnotized to dance the hokey-pokey!...

**La da dee  
La da dee doo  
La da da me  
La da da you  
La da dee  
La da dee doo  
There's only me  
There's only you  
La da dee  
La da dee doo  
La da da me  
La da da you  
La da dee  
La da dee doo  
When you were gone I think of you**

Asami and Cave swam gleefully in the ocean...that was currently being suspended above a very frightened republic City...

**All these places packed with people  
But your face is all I see  
And the music's way too loud  
But your voice won't let me be  
So many pretty girls around  
They're just dressing to impress  
But the thought of you alone has got me spun  
And I don't know what to say next**

Asami was reluctant at first, but now she was glad she let cave shrunk her and let her see the inner workings of a bee hive!...

**Yet I'm feeling like  
There is no better place than right by your side  
I had a little taste  
And I'll only spoil the party anyway  
'Cause all the girls are looking fine  
But you're the only one on my mind**

Cave and Asami mixed a bunch of crazy stuff: Isotopes, monkey paws, question marks, and underpants into a cauldron-

**KABOOM!**

Asami and Cave looked at each other covered in green goop for a second...then burst out laughing!...

**La da dee  
La da dee doo  
La da da me  
La da da you  
La da dee  
La da dee doo  
There's only me  
There's only you  
La da dee  
La da dee doo  
La da da me  
La da da you  
La da dee  
La da dee doo  
When you were gone I think of you**

Asami took in the sight of earth from the safety of the artificial air pocket that was keeping them safe on the moon...She didn't know what to feel...

**I pretend the night is so beautiful  
Take a photo with the bros  
La da dee  
La da da doo  
They won't see through my disguise  
Right here behind my eyes  
Replaying in my mind  
La de da**

Asami and Cave jostled their joysticks excitedly as they controlled their 50ft monsters to do battle!...

**Yet I'm feeling like  
There is no better place than right by your side  
I had a little taste  
And I'll only spoil the party anyway  
'Cause all the girls are looking fine  
But you're the only one on my mind**

"Can you believe some silly left this crashed underground and unattended?" Exclaimed Cave as Asami piloted the UFO to make crop circles and tip cows...

**La da dee  
La da dee doo  
La da da me  
La da da you  
La da dee  
La da dee doo  
There's only me  
There's only you  
La da dee  
La da dee doo  
La da da me  
La da da you  
La da dee  
La da dee doo  
When you were gone I think of you **

Asami and Cave excitedly jumped through hoops in an obstacle course filled with giant jellyfish...

**There's no way to say this song's about someone else  
Every time you're not in my arms  
I start to lose myself  
Someone please pass me my shades  
Don't let 'em see me down  
You have taken over my days  
So tonight I'm going out**

Asami and Cave leapfrogged over a giant guerrilla currently climbing a giant skyscraper...

**Yet I'm feeling like  
There is no better place than right by your side  
I had a little taste  
And I'll only spoil the party anyway  
'Cause all the girls are looking fine  
But you're the only one on my mind**

Asami and Cave screamed excitedly as they rode a giant bomb into a testing site...

**La da dee  
La da dee doo  
La da da me  
La da da you  
La da dee  
La da dee doo  
There's only me  
There's only you  
La da dee  
La da dee doo  
La da da me  
La da da you  
La da dee  
La da dee doo  
When you were gone I think of you**

Asami and Cave listened to a little franken-lemon make jokes in an upside-down room...

**La da dee  
La da dee doo  
La da da me  
La da da you  
La da dee  
La da dee doo  
There's only me  
There's only you  
La da dee  
La da dee doo  
La da da me  
La da da you  
La da dee  
La da dee doo  
When you were gone I think of you...**

Asami panted in exhaustion and exhilaration. _How'd we pack all that in one hour? How is that even possible?! _Thought Asami as she came to terms with the best day of her life.

Cave however still looked a bit distraught. He stared at his Happy-O-Meter. "Well, it's official...the only time I've ever had this much fun was with dipper!" "That's good right?" Asked Asami.

"Don't get me wrong, it's great. Really!...But these readings are nowhere near as high as when Dipper and Wendy are together...I'm starting to wonder if maybe the whole "girl" thing has nothing to do with it...And maybe me and Dipper just aren't as great of friends as I thought.

Said a now very melancholy Cave. Asami looked at this unbelievable kid sympathetically for awhile..._Ah, what the hey. After today he's earned it. _

"I really think it's the "girl" thing. In fact if you come closer I'll show you a "girl secret". Always eager to learn new things. Cave excitedly leaned in closer- Where Asami gave him a nice big kiss!

**KABOOM!**

The Happy-O-Meter exploded! And the shattered pieces emulated fireworks! _What on earth did he use to build that thing? _Thought a curious and slightly flustered Asami. Cave however just stared into space in wonder. "It's all so clear now..." he said out loud...

…...

He and Asami walked back to the house where Dipper and Wendy had just returned. Dipper looked over at Cave. "Oh, hey Cave! Where've you-"

Dipper was interrupted by Cave kissing him! Everyone looked at this in shock(plus little nosebleeds for the girls). Dipper quickly got over his his shock and tore himself away.

"Dude! What is wrong with you!?" Screamed Dipper as he desperately licked the ground to get the taste out of his mouth. Cave just looked thoughtful.

"Strange, that wasn't wonderful like it was with Asami...More awkward and uncomfortable really...(sigh) I must not have done right." "Yes! Exclaimed Jinora. You should try several dozen more times!"

"And I'll photograph it so you can use it for reference!" Shouted Ikki eagerly. "What!? No! Get away from me!" Shouted a mortified Dipper as he was chased by Cave, while everyone else laughed...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**I'm a trife deaf in the ear, might want to review a little louder next time?**


	15. Chapter 15

BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO ch.15

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

"-Are you saying that you will _personally_ take responsibility for the safety of the spectators in the arena?" Said Tarrlok to Lin intensely. With determination, Lin affirmed.

Nearby, Cave watched the proceedings conflicted. This whole thing just seemed so silly to him! Why couldn't everyone just get along?

He wished he could help, but his Status Quo powers only reversed damage if he was directly and/or indirectly responsible. If it was an outside force, it would just fizzle out-

**SLAM!**

"Dipper smacked the door open and ran in. Wait! Hold everything! I think I have an idea that might help!"

Tarrlok immediately went on his guard. The humiliation of his failed banquet still fresh in his mind. Tenzin, seeing this, smirked. And quickly responded before Tarrlok could have him thrown out.

"Alright my boy, what's your idea?" Dipper smiled. "I can't guarantee that'll stop Amon from attacking...But It'll definitely make sure it'll backfire on him."

The councilman(even a reluctant and irritated Tarrlok) found themselves pressing forward curious. Dipper steeled himself and continued.

"Make an announcement that to calm the Bender/non-bender turmoil you'll begin elections for a non-bender representative to the council after the tournament. But you also make it clear that if Amon attacks you'll have no choice but to call a state of emergency; which as you know among other things will legally force you to suspend any elections. That way even if Amon launches a successful attack, it will hurt his image among the people."

Tarrlok smiled, grateful for the opportunity to put this brat in his place. "My dear boy that's a good idea in theory...But that's just it a theory." Reveling in the attention now brought back on him, he continues.

"We can't just add a new representative my boy. Preparations need to be made, committee's need to be formed, laws need to be passed, forms need to be signed."

He smirked triumphantly as he watched all the other councilmen(aside from Tenzin) nodding in agreement with him. "Politics are a complicated thing...I'm sure you'll understand when your older." Said Tarrlok in the most condescending way possible.

"But right now you'd best leave this to the adults little boy." Now it was Dippers turn to smirk.

"Actually, you don't have a choice but add a new member-" He then flipped the rule book he was carrying to a certain page:

**PARAGRAPH-A1473, SUB-PARAGRAPH-U7619, INIGMENT-E68321:**

**THE COUCIL IS REQUIRED TO HAVE AT LEAST ONE NON-BENDER REPRESENTATIVE AT ALL TIMES.**

-In fact, your liable for breaking your own law for not having already done so!

**GAAAHHHHHH!**

Cried Tarrlok as some unseen force caused him to take damage and collapse**.** All the other councilmen looked at this concerned.

_This has been happening ever since that Phoenix Wright guy started peddling his firm at the fair. _They all thought, and then resolved to look into after the current crisis was over...

…...

Tenzin was amazed at how simple it had all been! Apparently that Bi-law had been on the books since Republic City had been founded. It just hadn't been enforced and/or mentioned since Councilmen Sokka's death.

Anyway, so that had been that. The tournament had gone without a hitch. True the WolfBats had won unfairly(although not before Wendy viciously castrated the lot of them). But they hadn't had much time to enjoy their victory.

Dipper convinced the fire ferrets to sue both the Wolfbats and the judges for their blatant cheating. Dipper effortlessly won.

The wolf bats were banned from the sport for life, all their previous victories were striped from them, the judges were fired and blacklisted, the whole lot of them were forced to give the fire ferrets a hefty sum for compensation, and most importantly the Fire Ferrets were legally declared the winners of that match!

Tenzin smiled as a grateful Wendy gave a kiss on the check to a flustered Dipper. All and all a good time all around, really...

…...

Amon was furious! It seemed like everything was going wrong for them lately! First that Cave kid had introduced "The Long Earth." Causing many to leave in a great exodus. Since most of the people who left for greener pastures were from the demographics most likely to rally around him...Recruitment had taken a severe nosedive!

And then the blunder with the triads! The only reason he'd been able to capture them the first time; was the fact that they hadn't taken him as a serious threat and they'd been too busy fighting each other! Now they were united and on guard!

And as for the latest fiasco? Between him being a no show at the tournament and the Non-bender representative elections coming up...people were really starting to question his capabilities.

He looked at a photo of both Dipper and Cave. _Ever since these two showed up...It's been one disaster after the next...But perhaps I can turn that to my advantage? _Thought Amon slyly as he picked up another picture that showed both Cave and Asami having a good time...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**You can milk anything with reviews**


	16. Chapter 16

BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO ch.16

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Dipper thought about many things as he swam in Asami's pool. He thought about the recent problems caused by the Triads and equalists. He thought about how the frontier on the Long Earth was working out. He thought about how his friend Cave somehow roped a girlfriend...Dipper wasn't ashamed to admit that he was still looking for signs of the apocalypse...and was even more grateful that he never explained the concept of reproduction to him(both because of how awkward it would be and the idea of Cave reproducing terrified him more than anything).

But mostly he thought of Wendy...Sure they'd both agreed that they'd take things slow, start with being friends and see where things went from there...But where did they stand now?...Yes she put him down all those years ago...But that had mainly been because of age...Which really wasn't much of a factor now...So again, where did that leave them? The last couple of weeks had been great; sure at first there had been some awkwardness...But really they were just glad to have each other back in their lives...He just didn't know what to do...

…...

As it turns out neither did Wendy. But unlike Dipper (Who's only other close friend was Cave and...No, just no); she'd found someone to confide this to. She and Asami had started hanging out and they got along great.

"-I know I shouldn't over-think this. That I really should just talk to him about this. But every time I think that; I start to remember how I dumped him before I thought Dipper had died at Bill's hands...And I just can't do it...I know it's irrational, even stupid to feel guilty or bad about that whole thing...But I do...I just don't know what to do..."

Asami looked at her new friend concerned. She didn't really know what to say about that...It was a very messed up situation. Then she got a very wicked idea. "Hey, I think I know what'll cheer you up." She said to Wendy deviously...

…...

The Butler called over to Cave while both he and Dipper were still swimming in the pool. He then handed him a message. Cave read it thanked him and went back to swimming.

It was then that Wendy and Asami entered the room. Both wearing something that Asami picked up a t the expo. One of the latest new crazy things that had been introduced to the world: The Bikini.

Cave smiled yet looked at them curiously. "Huh...I don't know why; but suddenly I really like looking at you girls even more so then usually." Confessed a confused Cave. Dipper was just speechless-

**SMACK!**

**OW!**

Cried out Dipper as Cave suddenly punched near his crotch. Dipper glared at Cave. "What the devil is wrong with you?" "Pool Rats! Shouted Cave. Asami sent me a message about it! They'll appear as a big bulge in your trunks-"

Dipper turned bright red as this comment caused the girls to laugh-

**CLANK!**

That laughing immediately died when they saw what cave had built in the 5 minutes since he got the message; using only buoys, towels and toothpicks...THE RAT POOL BAZOOKA!

**BOOM! **

**GAAAHHHHHH!**

Cried out Dipper as his trunks were incinerated, his crotch felt like it had been hit by a truck and he was thrown from the pool and landed in front of the girls.

Wendy turned bright red. _Wow, he really, really, really grew up! _Even with significant pool shrinkage he was a stud!

Asami meanwhile was too busy getting the first aid out. _Yikes, that couldn't have backfired more horribly. _Thought Asami as she quickly resolved to do whatever she could to make it up to the poor boy.

While they were busy tending to Dipper they didn't notice Butler whisking away Cave to a meeting With Hiroshi Sato...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**You guys find any reviews yet? Nothing yet! What about you guys? **

**We ain't found S***! **


	17. Chapter 17

BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO ch.17

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

-"You wanted to see me Mr. Asami's dad?" Asks Cave.

Hiroshi smiles. "My dear boy, call me Hiroshi." He says as he gets up from his desk to pour himself a scotch. "Care for a drop?" He asks jiggling the bottle in his direction.

Cave shakes his head. "No thanks, the last time I drank; I kinda...Broke a continent or two."

Hiroshi looks at him curiously, but shakes it off. "Yes, well, anyway." He sits back down.

"I'd like talk to you about your prospects." "Prospects?" Asks a confused Cave.

Yes, since your dating my daughter it's only natural that I; her loving father. Find out what she's getting into."

"Oh, okay. That makes sense...I think." Reluctantly admitted Cave who was still struggling to understand what "prospects" meant.

Hiroshi presses on. At ever instance you've professed to be the "CEO of Aperture Science." But what exactly dose that mean?"

Cave smiled. Finally, something he knew what to talk about! He stood up on the chair and began to explain the wonder that was his company!

….several hours later...

After explaining everything he could think of, he sat back down smiling.

_He makes Varick seem normal in comparison. _Thinks a bewildered Hiroshi. He legitimately didn't know whether to label him as a genius or dangerous idiot.

Aside from him and Dipper(and a large load of robots) there was no one actually working at this aperture. In fact Dipper sounded like he wasn't so much as a partner but a beguiled kid who had to take in the burden of all the responsibilities lest the two of them starve or die horribly.

He had many laboratories all across Earth Datum and the long earth...He however had no idea where most of them were(he apparently never kept track of that until Dipper came along...and really it was him keeping track of it).

And his projects! Granted some were useful like "tornado in a jar" or "Rocket cars".

But the rest! Decoding leech mating calls? Trying to prove that human skeletons were an obstacle to humanity's true evolutionary potential? Reverse Heimlich Maneuver? Detachable Self-Destruct Buttons? Perpetual motion machines(honestly what did that even mean)?!

Still Hiroshi calmed himself. _He may not have quantity, but he has more than proven quality. That's all that matters._

Hiroshi turns to Cave. "Cave my boy, I'm going to get straight to the point. How would you like to merge our great titans of industries together in a glorious union-"

He trails off as he sees the hopelessly confused look on Cave's face. Suppressing sigh, Hiroshi tries a different tactic.

"Your company would become a part of mine."

Cave frowned. "Wow...That sounds great and all...But I prefer being in the field, the whole skyscraper office never really appealed to me...seems kinda pointless really- -Uh, no offense." Said cave quickly.

Hiroshi dismissively waves it off. "None taken my boy, it's not for everyone. Besides you have nothing to worry about. I wouldn't dream of messing with the...uh, "chemistry" that has allowed you to make so many interesting inventions."

Hiroshi gives his most reassuring smile. While you would become part of my company, you would be allowed full autonomy to do whatever you wished...within reason."

Cave smiles. "Oh! Okay, that sounds fair!" "So do we have a deal?" "Deal!" Shouts Cave excitedly as they shake on it.

Hiroshi smiles. "Good to have you on board my boy! My people and your...Well, Dipper will iron out the details tomorrow."

He then leans over to whisper. "Right now, however. I have secret, personal project that I'd like your opinion on."...

…...

"Whoa! That's a big one!" Shouted Cave as he marveled at all the giant machines hidden away in Hiroshi's secret bunker...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**What's the most you ever lost in a coin toss? Sir? -The most you ever lost in a review.**


	18. Chapter 18

BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO ch.18

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

**Caustic chemicals on quantum poses, whiskers on self-aware mittens.**

**Semi-automatic peddlers and experimental pittance.**

**Brown packages with all things pretty, while I sit here feeding my Skitty-**

Sang Cave as he pet a pink and yellow cat with flower-like tail.

**-to my pet Eldritch abomination.**

He sang as he feed the cat to a demon squid from another dimension.

**That plus this string, these are a few of my favorite things.**

Quickly Cave put on a hard hat and grabbed a clipboard and began to make his rounds across air island to all of his experiments.

"Self-replicating Trash to handle the "world garbage shortage": **Check" **

"Food supply destroyer to eliminate "world gluttony": **Check"**

"Vending machine of earthly delights...HEY! What happened to all the bags of

"O" mediate gratification?"

A loud groan turned him around to see a tipsy, aching, plump Meelo surrounded by the now empty bags. "Ants are crawling in my mouth and I don't care." He confessed with a moan.

Cave sighed. "I knew I shouldn't have stocked those..."

Putting those thoughts aside he turned to his latest experiment.

"Oh, this one looks promising!...I don't remember what it's supposed to do, but let's play some music anyway!" Shouted Cave as he activated the "Choreograph-inator."

**(music begins to play)**

Cave gets to work-

**Lookin right  
Wishin we could rewind  
Changin every wrong to right  
That ya see**

Cave mixes the chemicals...

**If you could  
Don't you think that you would  
Make your world  
Just like you want it to be**

Cave hammers the nails...

**Now it's never to late  
There's a will  
There's a way  
Gotta stay in the game  
Go the distance  
Cuz you live and you learn  
That it takes a lot of work  
But you win in the end  
With persistance**

Cave crosses his fingers as he ignites the plunger...

**Mix it up  
Get it right  
Go for another try  
But you**

BOOM!

(nearby cave coughs out smoke)

**Run it back again (run it back hey)**

Lin glares at the now completely totaled downtown area. She then glares at Cave. "I'm going to throw the book so hard at you-"

STATUS QUO! Shouts an excited Cave.

Suddenly all the damage was reversed.

Lin just stared in disbelief.

"See? No harm no fowl! Can I go home now?" Asked the sincere and eager Cave.

Since he technically hadn't(couldn't, mightn't, wouldn't? GAH!) now done any crimes, a dumbfounded Lin has him sent away...

**Replay  
Hit rewind  
This time you do it right**

Cave stares at the blackboard before erasing a single minus sign...

**But you**

BOOM!

**Run it back again**

STATUS QUO!

**Run it back again**

Lin shakes her head. Before dismissing the boy...

**Run it back again**

BOOM!

CAVE!

STATUS QUO!

**Try again**

**Never wait around  
Cause every minute counts  
If you had the time  
What would you do with it  
Would you change  
Show me what would rearrange  
If you got the puzzle right  
How would the pieces fit**

Cave again stared at the blackboard before erasing a single plus sign...

**Now it's never to late  
There's a will  
There's a way  
You could save the day  
Like a hero**

STATUS QUO!

The man could walk again!

**Cause you live and you learn  
That it takes a lot a work  
Hope that nothings gonna stop  
Oh no  
Go (ohh)**

**Mix it up  
Get it right  
Go for another try**

Cave erases a single multiplication sign from his equation...

**But you **

BOOM!

**Run it back again**

STATUS QUO!

**(Run it back again)  
Replay  
Hit rewind  
This time you do it right**

Cave erases a divide sign...

**But you **

BOOM!

**Run it back again**

STATUS QUO!

**Run it back again**

Lin and Tenzin just shake their heads in irritation at the whole thing...

**On your mark  
Get set  
Let's go  
Oh you can make it happen if you want it to  
Tick tock  
Time to rock you know  
the futures up to you**

Lin walks up behind Cave as he taps the blackboard with a pointer while in deep thought.

Lin takes a look at the blackboard before face palming.

"Oh, for the love of-"

She snatches away the pointer.

"Hey kid, here's an idea. Why don't you do something about this?"

She asks sarcastically as she points out the large picture of a stick of dynamite that takes up half the board.

Cave looks at this confused. "So what are you saying? I should add **more** TNT?"

CRACK!

OW!

**One more time now**

"Would someone please shut off that song!" Screamed Lin for the 100th time that week.

**Mix it up  
Get it right  
Go for another try  
But you  
Run it back again (back again)  
Replay  
Hit rewind  
This time you do it right  
But you  
Run it back again**

Everyone hid behind a barricade at a safe distance. As Cave prepared to ignite the plunger(yet again)

**Mix it up  
Get it right  
Go for another try  
But you**

BEEP! BEEP!

"It's working!" Shouted Cave.

**Run it back again (run it back back back again)  
Replay  
Hit rewind  
This time you do it right  
But you  
Run it back again  
Run it back again **

(song ends)

"At long last! My Radioactive ice maker is finished!" Shouted Cave to a stunned crowd.

"AN ICE MAKER!?" screamed Lin. "You blew up the city a thousand times, kept us awake all week with the annoying song...FOR AN ICE MAKER?!" Screamed Lin as Foam started to come from her mouth.

Cave chuckled with good humor. "That is a trick question my dear Lin...Everyone knows fruit bats are mammals."

It really didn't surprise anyone that Lin decided at that moment to have a stroke.

"I got this!" Shouted Cave.

STATUS QUO!

Once more the rainbows restored things to how they were.

Cave leaned over Lin. "Your alive! I save the day again!"

CRACK!

OW!

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**And furthermore...You can all go Review yourselves!**


	19. Chapter 19

BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO ch.19

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Chief Lin Beifong calmly putting the finishing signature on her 50 hour budget report-

**CRASH!**

The whole office shook! Causing the inkwell to splash all over her report, ruining it.

Lin sighed as she destroys yet another stress ball. She activates the intercom.

"Send him in." She says flatly. She waits for the inevitable 'Status Quo' to repair what sounded like a good portion of the front-side of the building.

Then like clockwork Cave skips into the room and sits himself down. He smiles at Lin.

"Guess what Chief!? My driving is improving! On the way over I only destroyed 58 buildings, and ran over 20 people! A new all time best!"

Lin rubbed her temples. She didn't know what was more irritating: the he thought this was an actual major improvement...Or the bittersweet knowledge that this was in fact a major improvement...

Cave gave Lin a warm smile. "Listen...I know we didn't end things on great terms last time...but I'm hoping we can put all that behind us with some fresh-squeezed honey tea."

Says Cave as he pulls out a weird device that squeezes out lovely tea into a cup...Also a swarm of killer-

**BEES!**

Screamed Lin as she quickly metal bended a sphere around the device and the swarm and threw it out the window.

"Aw, my bees"...Sighed a saddened Cave.

Lin meanwhile destroyed 5 more stress balls in rapid succession.

Cave ever oblivious to the mass of rage that was growing before him; innocently asks: "So what damage have I done today? I don't remember doing anything...yet. But in any case send me to the damaged area and I'll "Status Quo" it back to normal!"

Lin takes a deep breath. "You haven't done anything today...at least not as far as I know. I called you down here because we need to have a heart-to-heart."

Cave nods. "Say no more...I'll go get the scalpels-" He then starts to get up.

Lin quickly grabs him and forces him to sit back down. Lin once more takes another deep calming breath.

She turns to Cave. "Cave...You absolute reckless fool! Do you have any idea the damage you really do!? The shock, the panic, the sheer damn insanity!?"

Cave just looks at her in stunned shocked silence. And lin wasn't done yet!

"-You have great intentions, an astounding intellect, but you have the worst damn social analyzing I've ever seen!"

She then forcibly drags him outside. Where the people(once seeing Cave) run away in fear.

Lin points to this out. "Stop and LOOK! Do these people look excited? NO! They're petrified you could wind up turning all their homes to dust and probably them along with it!"

A hapless Cave just looks around confused. "But I-"

"Every week it's a new catastrophe! You've built sentient homicidal sulfuric acid clouds! Giant animal kings! Cannibalistic mantis men! Killer trees! Kamikaze Walking bushes! Why would you even create something like that!?"

"What do you mean why? I've already explained-"

THOSE WEREN'T EXPLANATIONS! Screamed Lin. "Those were ramblings based on logic that only an insane troll would find half-way practical!"

She glared at him further. "It all just seems to boil down to: 'I can invent it, so I will'" She snarled. "Just because you can invent, doesn't mean you can selfishly force it on others at your whim!"

-NOW WAIT JUST A MINUTE! Shouted Cave. "I don't force my technology on anyone!"

"Dipper told me about the Fairy dust you sprinkled on all the envelops that contained the instructions for the Steper Tech!" Snapped Lin angrily.

Cave gave her a confused look. "How dose using fairy dust to forcibly bring out the imaginative adventurous explorer side in people so that their more likely to use my Steper tech. to explore the long earth(Which I personally believe will bring greater prosperity to humanity as a whole); have anything to do with your allegation of me 'forcing my inventions on people?'" He asked sincerely.

Lin looked at him dumbfounded. "Did you seriously just...do you really not...You literally just gave the definition of that!"

"Definition of what?" Asked Cave confused.

**CRUNCH!**

Suddenly 5 nearby Satomobiles are crushed into cubes at the same time Lin gets a nose bleed.

Cave sees this confused. "Huh, is it cube day already?" He asks obliviously.

Lin growled. "No more inventing!"

Now Cave was annoyed. "Okay, I've tried to be civil with you; but nuts to that!

I know my rights!...I don't much else, but I know that! Yes, I cause damage; but I fix it too! What more do you want from me!?"

"-You 'fix it' by relying completely on an unstable supernatural power that even you admit you don't fully understand!"

"Look it's worked for me so far; and if it's not broke, don't fix it!"

"You 'fix' things that aren't broken all the time!"

"No, I fix things that I think are broken; but are then told later that they weren't!...also that I burnt their house to the ground. Anyway, there's a big difference!"

Lin tries to argue again-

"You know what!? No!" Snaps Cave. "This conversation is over! My life is going great at the moment! I have a wonderful girlfriend! My company is no longer just a logo I finger painted as a child! And my best friend as happier then he's been in years!

So obviously I must be doing something right!" He turns away in a huff.

"The Status Quo is here to stay, so you better get used to it!"...

…..Meanwhile...

"I dub thee a knight of Cerberus!" Shouted a happy Grim Mcgee to an intrigued Amon...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**A lot of the dialogue for Lin was contributed by "The Keeper of Worlds" **

**Okay, would anyone be willing to post this story(or maybe another story) on "Television Tropes and Idioms. com"? I'd appreciate it!**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**There is only one man who would dare give me the review! Lonestar!**


	20. Chapter 20

BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO ch.20

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

It was a calm, quiet evening at the Sato mansion. Mako and Bolin were practicing pro-bending strategy. Wendy and Dipper were reading some of Dippers journals that recorded his journeys with Cave. And Asami was frantically preventing Cave from blowing up a large portion of the mansion...again.

**BOOM!**

Everyone turned around just in time to see Lin, Tenzin and a bunch of police break down the door to rush into the room. "What are you doing here?" Demands a surprised and angry Asami. " We have a reason to believe that there's a factory hidden below the mansion." stated Lin.

Asami glared. "I think I would've noticed if there were a factory underneath my house. The lies you people come up with just to persecute my father." "Where is your father?" Asked Tenzin. "In his workshop, behind the house." Stated Asami harshly. The metalbender cops burst into the workshop to find no one in the room...only to find it empty.

Asami looks around confused. "Dad? Hello?" An officer approaches Lin. "Chief, the estate's been secured. No one has left the workshop since we arrived." Lin frowned while deep in thought. "Perhaps we just couldn't see him leaving." Lin quickly did her seismic sense. "There's a tunnel beneath the workshop running deep into the mountainside." "What? There's no tunnel!" Exclaims Asami in angry disbelief. Lin looks at the floor and metalbends to remove the metal layer, exposing the stairs and an elevator going down as they walk toward it. Asami looks at this discovery in shocked confusion. "I don't understand. There must be an explanation"

Lin immediately begins giving orders. "Officers, into the tunnel. Be cautious." The officers begin to walk down. Asami and the rest of the group are about to follow until Lin stops him. "Uh-uh, you lot stay up here." She gestures to another policeman. "Officer Song, keep an eye on them."

The rest of the group, having mainly stood around and watched uncomprehendingly as events unfolded. Sat on the couch and tried to comfort Asami...we'll most of them did.

"Okay, I'm pretty sure I can see where this is going...And I strongly recommend we leave before were caught in the crossfire." Said Dipper plainly. "Dipper, how can you say that!?" Demanded an irritated Asami. Dipper shrugged. "I'm just speaking from experience Asami."

Asami shakes her head. "This is crazy! My father would never do this!" Suddenly Wendy became very uncomfortable. "Uh...actually." Everyone looked at her. "What is it Wendy?" Wendy scratched the back of her head nervous. "Right...Okay, now for all I know this might have been heard out of context...but a couple days ago-

_Wendy was walking down a hallway when she heard Mr. Sato talking. Curious, she listened in-_

"_No, no! No, I assure you, everything is going exactly as planned." He pauses to listen to the phone. "Uh-um, yes ... Luckily, the Cabbage Corp investigation has bought us enough time." He pauses to listen again. Trust me, by the end of the week ...we'll be ready to strike!_

_Wendy frowned...then shook her head. __**Can't be what it sounds like, this is Asami's dad were talking about. **__Thinks Wendy to herself as she walks away and tries to put it out of her mind..._

Asami had gone very pale...She didn't know what to think about that. Meanwhile, Cave having spent this whole time obliviously working on shoots that were afraid of ladders. Finally looks up. "Hey, who left the hatch to Mr. Sato's secret lab open?" He asked curiously. Everyone turned to him in shock. "Cave, you knew about this!?" Exclaimed a hurt Asami.

Cave slapped his forehead. "Shoot! I wasn't supposed to say anything!" He then shrugged. "Well, now that the cats out of the bag... Yes, sorry Asami. But your dad was very insistent that I promise not tell anyone, especially you."

While an increasingly unnerved Asami tried to process this; Dipper stepped up to the plate. "Cave, what exactly where you doing with Mr. Sato?" Again Cave shrugged. "Nothing too big really. I just upgraded his new line of hotdog carts and hotdog handling equipment." Everyone gave him a weird look.

Dipper paled. He'd known Cave long enough to know what this could mean. "Cave...would you mind writing us a picture of this 'hot dog equipment?" Asked Dipper. Cave once more shrugged. "I don't see why not." He then begins to draw.

"When I was first showed it, it looked like this." He says while he draws a perfect diagram of an equalist electrified glove. He smiles. "Your dad is a genius Asami! Who else would have thought of a glove that fries hotdogs in your hands instantly without waiting?" Not waiting to hear an answer he continues to write. "Of course, I upgraded it. Now people will not only be able to fry them in their hands but also when their over 50 ft away." He explains as he shows them a diagram of a glove turning into a mini-cannon and back again. Without missing a beat he moves on to the 'hotdog carts'. "Yeah, these things were real beauts; I tell you what." Commented Cave as he obliviously wrote down a Mecha-tank. "Course it was a simple matter for me to upgrade them as well." Explained Cave as he drew a diagram of a far superior Mecha-suit.

He smiled. "All in all I think I out-did myself very nicely." He looked up and was surprised to see his friends now deathly pale. "What?" He asked confused. Dipper sighed. "Okay, once more I'm going to throw the 'screw this, were out of here' option on the table...Any takers?" Asami became resolute. "I have to know for sure." She said firmly. Dipper groaned. "Fine."

Before Song realized what was happening; he found himself blinded by Dippers pocket sand, which was then followed by a swift punch to the groin by Wendy. The gang quickly ran into the passageway, followed by a still very confused Cave...

…...

Cave didn't know what to make of it. Police were being hogtied, the hotdog carts were acting weird, the group was having a shouting match with Mr. Sato, and a strongman appeared to be crushing a turtle in the background...Oh, and that Amon guy was here too. All and all very strange...

Suddenly, Mr. Sato was talking to him. "What do you say my boy? Surely a clever lad like you can see the benefits of joining us?" Cave opened and closed his mouth several times..."Uh...I'm still a bit turned around here...w-why-why are you using the hotdog carts to capture the police?"

Mr. Sato sighs. "My dear boy...these are not hotdog carts, but weapons." He tries to explain to the clearly confused child. "Weapons that I shall give to the equalists- "Oh for the love, of- Again with the Equalists!" Exclaimed a very annoyed Cave. "Look I hate to sound intolerant but your whole goal is just so silly!

I mean I'm just as weirded out as you are that a bunch a stage magicians hijacked the culture of the world to the extent that the four main nations are named after their main tricks of the trade...but that's no reason to start a war! Live and let pull rabbits out of their hats, I say!"

Their was a long awkward pause..."My boy, am I to understand that you believe all bending to be nothing but cheap parlor tricks?" Asked Amon incredulously. Cave looked at him strange. "Yes, of course. What of it?" Dipper face palmed. He turns to Mako. "Mako, if you would?" He reluctantly nods and demonstrates firebending to Cave. "Oh, my goodness! It's-It's real!?

**YES!**

Screamed everyone. Amon in particular looked incredulous. "This is the boy who figured out how to send things to other dimensions?" He asked Sato in disbelief. Sato sighed. "I don't know what to tell you." He admitted.

Cave looks over to Mr. Sato. "I don't understand, why would you want to destroy this miracle?" "MIRACLE?!" Exclaimed an outraged Sato. "This 'Miracle' led to the death of my wife!" Cave looked at him confused. "Okay, now I'm no expert on revenge, human emotions, or Kangaroos for that matter...But wouldn't it make a lot more sense to punish the guy who done it, instead of taking it out on thousands of poor schlubs that have never done you wrong or even know you?"

Before Sato can retort- "Actually, hold that thought!" Exclaims Cave suddenly. He fishes through his many pockets. He then pulled out what could only by described as a plastic raven on a stick. "Behold, my fiend-finder! Originally, I intended to use it as a mixing bowl. But Dipper convinced me it would work better finding the source of peoples revenge!" Before anyone can stop him he activates and sets it to the proper wavelength. The bird caws and turns his head a full 360. It's eyes then glow and land...on the lieutenant.

Cave frowns. "Could you move, Mr. Lieutenant? You appear to be blocking the beam!" The Lieutenant suddenly looking very confused, complies...and the beams follow him. Cave looks at the device irritated. "Okay, well this thing is obviously broken. I mean what possible motivation would Amons top enforcer have for killing the wife of the man who would eventually use that murder as his main motivation to become his most powerful supporter? It makes no sense whatsoever!" Exclaims Cave while everyone else had gone deathly pale.

The Lieutenant merely looked confused. "I-I don't...I know I never...And yet I now have memories that I did...I don't understand"... He babbles while incoherently dazed. Sato turns to Amon. "Amon! What is the meaning of-

And that was all he was able to say before Amon lopped off his head-

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Yippee Ki Yay Mother Reviewer!**


	21. ANNOUNCEMENT!

**ATTENTION!**

"To All who read this...I'm going on HIATUS!

"I know, I know. I hate it when Authors do this too.

"But I plan on being a REAL writer; and I need to focus on that.

**FIRE SALE!**

**EVERYTHING MUST GO!**

"If you want to adopt my story to continue it; go ahead!

"If more then one person wants to adopt the same story; go ahead!(this includes the one's already labeled 'adopted')

**NEW YEAR!**

"Let me be clear; this Hiatus(if I don't become an Author) will only last a year...I really do want to finish my fanfic stories(But if you don't want to wait, feel free to adopt)

**EXCEPTIONS**

"I intend to finish the last chapter of my Christian themed story 'What we gonna do'; I might also occasionally post some Christian Song-fic's.

"From Now on if the conversation thread isn't labeled 'Adopt' or 'Review Glitch'(My computer still won't let new reviews through, I need help!)"I'm going to have to ignore it(sorry)

**COMMITMENTS**

"Say what you will about me; I'm a man of my word.

"I've promised several Authors that I'd help them with their stories.

"Here they are: The Howling Behemoth, StoriesUnleashed, Brandon Vortex, SPIDERWILLIAM13, Animeshowlover, And...Shot...Okay I can't remember his/her name; but he/she adopted Tremor Falls...so you know who you are...I hope.

"Anyway; Because of my promise. I will still respond to messages from the guys/girls listed above

As for 'Zues Killer Productions'...(sigh)

"Okay, here's the thing...I promised to adopt his/her story...But right after that I remembered- "Dang it, I'm going on Hiatus in a couple months, what is wrong with me?"

"But poorly thought out and misremembered it may have been...for better or for worse I made a commitment and I'm going to stick with it.

"After all; why should he/she suffer because of my poor memory?(I'll still take messages from him/her as well)

"Let's be clear; I'm not going nuts on this...they'll be only one chapter every two weeks(at least)

**"NAME CHANGE**

"In one week; I'm changing my User name(I wanted this name first...but I forgot it(sheepish smile))

"Say goodbye to "du911"...and hello to "The Cowardly Christian".

"Well...that's it...bye...


	22. AN: REEBOOT! NEW STORY!

**AN: HELLO! Sorry to pull this on you but I'm now remaking and redoing this story. I wasn't happy with several elements from it, so I'm rebooting it and starting over with a new story(Don't worry, this version of the story will remain undeleted, anyone who wants to adopt this story may do so).  
**

**The new version of the story will be called 'BOOK ONE: STATUS QUO: Take Two'**

**This story is done with the permission of Deus Swiftblade, all story elements concerning the paragon and their purpose belong to HIM not me. **

**I strongly recommend reading his stories, their good.**


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